Opinion on visiting where people smoke

[trinity]

Ok, I went to my mothers for dinner as usual this week and both she and her husband smoke. They are older, 70s and 80s and not going to change now. My problem is that you really can't go to someone else's house and ask them not to smoke, and I can't invite them to my house because then I would either have to let them smoke in my apartment or feel rude in sending old people out on the unsafe back steps that have no railing and we don't even use ourselves. Spring and summer are fine at their house, they usually crack a window or two at least some part of the day, but winters are awful. {***graphic description coming}-yesterday when I got up, I hacked and coughed and brought up dark brown mucus from being at their house for 2 1/2 hrs the night before. What can I do? Not visit? Wear a painters mask? Try to set MY rules in their house? Would it be rude to ask that only one of them smoke at a time? I don't even know if that would help.

[space]

for one it's rude to call your parents old people! stay away from their home and if they come to your home lite some candl's open some windows turn the fan on or anything that helps clear the smoke away!

[Lemme_LQQK]

Well first trinity , I hardly think that you as you put it "hacked up dark brown mucus" just from being there for what2 1/2 hrs? You must have something medically wrong going on there .

And secondly , if when at your "elderly " parents house , have you ever thought of going into another room while they have thier cigarette?

If asked , explain to them that you have a serious problem with cigarette smoke. From what you said about the summer they crack a window open, that tells me they are showing you respect .
Whether it be 1 person smoking or 2 ,cig smoke is still cigarette smoke .

Explain to them that when they come to visit u you would appreciate it if they either wouldn't or have them smoke in another room with a window open or a smokeless ashtray be put in there with them.

In my opinion that's what I would do. Good luck hope it all works out for you and your parents.

[subaru2222]

Originally Posted by space

for one it's rude to call your parents old people! stay away from their home and if they come to your home lite some candl's open some windows turn the fan on or anything that helps clear the smoke away!

For on thing space_out she did not call them "old people" she called them older which is the truth she did not mean anything by it. And good advice just don't ever visit your parents umm good way to solve the problem NOT!!!

I mean its her parents what harm could it be to politely ask them while they are visiting to not smoke. What are they going to do disown her for trying to keep herself healthy. They should be proud of her to speak her mind. Heck so what they are older people they can still quit smoking if they put their mind to it its never to late and if people think that way well they they might as well give up.

It's never to late for anything. The only people that say that just don't have the drive or passion for things I guess.

I hear people all the time oh I'm to old to go to College or I always wanted to play the guitar or piano bu I'm to old etc... Well thats not true I went to College in my 30's and it was great there was a Woman in my class that was pushing 50 and she did great too. Well thats my 2-cents

[subaru2222]

Originally Posted by Lemme_LQQK

Well first trinity , I hardly think that you as you put it "hacked up dark brown mucus" just from being there for what2 1/2 hrs? You must have something medically wrong going on there

So you were there and saw her doing said hacking? So how the heck do you know she did not hack up brown stuff? Nice way to call someone a liar to their face. Go have another cig Lemme and have fun hacking up what ever.

[karen]

I was somewhat in the same position with the other family members. I don't really think it's your place to tell your parents what they can and can't do in their own house, so if they start smoking go into a different room. If they are chain smokers, and the smoke is really bothering you, just cut your visit short. Invite them over to your house more often. If you have a smoke free home and politely tell them this, I'm sure they would respect that and step outside if they have the urge/craving for a cigarette.. I have a smoke free home and have many smokers that stop by to visit. They have never once lit up in my house! They have been kind and considerate enough to either cut their visit short, or step outside and smoke.
Best of luck,

[eugeneb]

You can't say much to your parents for smoking in their own home,But I know that if some one comes to my home and are only going to be a short time here my wife and I will not smoke while they are here , it is called respect.
as as far as hacking, smoke does bother some worse then others, I have been smoking for 40 years and havent hacked up any thing yet.

[vanessalynn5484]

I still hack up things from when I used to smoke and I still always feel a cold or a flu first in my lungs.

Quitting smoking is not the same thing as deciding to go back to college. I still crave menthol ciggs. Depending on how their bodies handle the chemical addiction it could possible make them quite sick when they quit. Symptoms similar or worse than heroine withdrawl can occur to Long term smokers who quit.

[rhiley_08j]

trinity i can relate to you because my little one CAN NOT be around cig smoke.our problem is all of my family smokes and will smoke around her,so guess what ,we do not visit.my grandmother was 83 years old and when she came to my house she smoked outside!it is a hard choice to make but what is more important?your health or theis smoke?and guess what i am a smoker!so i do know what it is like not to smoke around others.

[girdy]

Their house, their rules. Your house, your rules.

Would suggest you let them know the effects of smoking on you, because they may not be aware of it. And maybe they'll compromise by smoking less while you're there, which may be the best you can expect. Or maybe they'd crack a window while smoking in the winter as well, if they understood the effect on you. Your mom probably doesn't want you to be coughing up a lung when you go home, and I bet would do something if she knew what was going on.

Maybe in the summer you could invite them to some outdoor picnics or bbq's, say at Rockwood Park, that you would host and they could smoke away, rather than dinner in your house. But while they're in your house, it should be your rules and there should be no smoking if that's your rule.

[rogerfoucault]

As they are in their senior years it is going to be really hard to ask, if you'll excuse the cliche, for an "old dog to learn new tricks".

Second hand smoke is dangerous. Look at the case a few years back of a non-smoking female bartender who contracted lung cancer from having been exposed to continuous second hand smoke in her environment.

The website for the Canadian Cancer Society has this to say about second hand smoke:
"When a person smokes near you, you breathe in second-hand smoke. Many of us breathe it in whether we know it or not, in public places, around doorways of buildings and at work. When someone smokes inside a home or car, everyone inside breathes second-hand smoke.

Cigarettes produce about 12 minutes of smoke, yet the smoker may inhale only 30 seconds of smoke from their cigarette. The rest of the smoke lingers in the air for non-smokers and smokers to breathe. Second-hand smoke contains more than 4000 chemicals. Many of these chemicals are known to cause cancer.

Chemicals found in second-hand smoke include:

• carbon monoxide (found in your car’s exhaust)
• ammonia (found in window cleaners)
• cadmium (found in batteries)
• arsenic (found in rat poison)

Each year, more than 1000 non-smoking Canadians die from second-hand smoke."


------------


Try calling your parents on the phone and tactfully explain your concerns about your parents environment and how you feel it might impact your health. Explain the risks and how you are really uncomfortable with this type of exposure when you are at their place. Encourage them to smoke outdoors as even smoking in a different room doesn't prove to be a failsafe method of smoking indoors without it affecting others in the home. Smoke seeps out of door cracks and lingers on walls, furniture, clothes, on food, etc., not to mention the foul, stale odour that comes with smoking.



Also explain that you are incorporating a 'No Smoking' policy in your home and that all smokers need to smoke outside and they should dress for the weather, and even bring an umbrella if it's raining or snowing out, because ultimately it is your health, not to mention it's your home and that's just how it is. Hopefully they will respect your concerns as a show of their love for you and respect your expressed issues about repeated health risks when exposed to second hand smoke.


If they put up a fuss then the choice is really yours as to how to deal with this. Do you refuse to go to their home again? Will they refuse to go to your home?



A strong family will make sacrifices. Hopefully your parents will find consideration to make some sacrifices if they can't or simply refuse to quit smoking.


Good luck with this.






Regards,


Roger Foucault
ANT-TROPOLIS STUDIOS
www.ant-tropolis.com

[space]

Originally Posted by subaru

For on thing space_out she did not call them "old people" she called them older which is the truth she did not mean anything by it. And good advice just don't ever visit your parents umm good way to solve the problem NOT!!!

I mean its her parents what harm could it be to politely ask them while they are visiting to not smoke. What are they going to do disown her for trying to keep herself healthy. They should be proud of her to speak her mind. Heck so what they are older people they can still quit smoking if they put their mind to it its never to late and if people think that way well they they might as well give up.

It's never to late for anything. The only people that say that just don't have the drive or passion for things I guess.

I hear people all the time oh I'm to old to go to College or I always wanted to play the guitar or piano bu I'm to old etc... Well thats not true I went to College in my 30's and it was great there was a Woman in my class that was pushing 50 and she did great too. Well thats my 2-cents

if you can read the post again ..trinity said older people and old people!
trinity get yourself prepared when they do come over!


seniors or elderlys maybe!!

[Tara]

She said older....it's not rude or uncalled for.

[trinity]

Originally Posted by Lemme_LQQK

Well first trinity , I hardly think that you as you put it "hacked up dark brown mucus" just from being there for what2 1/2 hrs? You must have something medically wrong going on there .

.

No, I'm perfectly healthy, the rest of my week is just 100% smoke free, in my home, at work, my car etc and I don't have friends who smoke either so when I go to their house even for a few drinks, no one smokes. Itook it as a sign that the cilia in my lungs are working well, overnight they cleaned my lungs of the junk I inhaled.

And I did call them "old people", I was being somewhat sarcastic, they get out more than I do most weeks LOL. My stepfather is now blind and I could not imagine sending him out on my back stoop, it has no railing and about an 8 ft drop to the ground {and that's for another Landlord thread-we've learned to live with it by rarely using our back door}. Maybe an air purifier purchase is in order. I'm sure they would run it for a at least an hour or so before my visit, we're pretty much on a "schedule" at this point.

[space]

I just don't like that terminology.. no worries. hope your front entrace no worse than you back entrance.. lol

[ChelorSean]

Well i know how you feel, my mother inlaw smokes and for my first baby we lived with them so i had no choice but nobody smoked around him not in the car nothing.Now after having my second baby and we live out of their house it's really hard for me to take him there because there is no smoking in my house.The only thing i could do was ask her to smoke in another room and have respect for the baby!she also cuts how much she smokes while we are there.but i just wanted to tell you that i now excatly how you feel and i think a purifier would do great in this situation.good luck it's a tough one.

[Mandi]

I swear if Jesus came into my house, sat on my couch and wanted a cigarette, he'd be going outside for it. But you can't ask your parents to leave while they smoke in their home. When I'm at my fiance's parent's house, and they smoke, I just put on my coat , and go out onto the porch for 10-15 minutes, long enough for it to subside. I can't be around smoke, it hurts my lungs, and I have a hard time breathing, and also cough up yucky stuff. Kind of not my idea of fun. I'm sure your parents mean no disrespect by their smoking, and wouldn't be offended if you left the room while they did so.

[vanessalynn5484]

Originally Posted by Mandi

I swear if Jesus came into my house, sat on my couch and wanted a cigarette, he'd be going outside for it. .

LOL Now that gets the point across!

[care1978]

if they go to your house you could always ask them if they would mind smoking in your bathroom with the fan on a candle lit, and the window opened. i mean they are your parents, why would you feel weird asking them to do that? just bc they are your parents doesnt mean that you should feel oddly about asking them to smoke elsewhere in your home; if anything you should feel more comfortable asking them to respect your home. but if it their home, i guess you are just going to have to grin and bare it.
this of course is just my oppinion

[Lemme_LQQK]

Originally Posted by subaru

So you were there and saw her doing said hacking? So how the heck do you know she did not hack up brown stuff? Nice way to call someone a liar to their face. Go have another cig Lemme and have fun hacking up what ever.

Tsk,tsk,tsk, nasty nasty aren't we . hahahaha, You're funny.
Thanks for reminding me to have a cigarette I almost forgot ...lol
As for "hacking" haven't had the displeasure , when I do then I'll quit , until then I will continue to smoke cigarettes.

You seem to be more upset by my reply to Trinity than Trinity is, And Nooooo I wasn't there at the alleged "hacking" ...lol But the way trinity said it , I felt that maybe she had over exaggerated somewhat .
And to react so quickly to cigarette smoke I would think maybe there is a medical issue there.
I did not call anyone a "liar" you're the only one that has used the word.
Subaru if you don't smoke then I suggest you start, it may calm you down a bit. hahaha

Put that in your pipe and smoke it....!

Trinity I surely do hope you are able to solve your dilemma.