Child Custody options? Hey look. I wrote a book!

[PA]

Just wondering what my options are when it comes to my year and a half old daughter.

Her mother and her live out west. I left to come back home for work related reasons (To Saint John) She was suppose to come down at a later date, Once I got set up with an apartment and all that good stuff. To make a long story short. She decided not to move here. She figured she would stay there and become a little party animal. When I say party animal I mean PARTY ANIMAL. Sleeping with guys. Drinking, drugs etc etc. I know this because mutual friends of ours have told me this. This all started within the first week after I left.

Not to mention. I have pictures that she posted on facebook of 2 different guys laying on my bed holding my daughter. Do you get the point??

Well this all happened over a year ago. During the time that I have been gone, My mother had access (my second debit card) for my bank account. There was always money in there. Whenever my daughter needed anything my mother would call me and I would tell her to take it out of my account. Over the last year I have bought her everything from a new crib to a new car seat (my ex had access to my account but it was removed after seeing charges on there from the local bar)

My EX does not work. She has no education (grade 9 I think) She lives on walfare and relies on it. She refuses to work. She drinks. She does drugs. She doesn't even have a stable home!! She travels back and forth from her new boyfriends to my mothers house every week. She got kicked out of low income housing for not paying her bills. Her lights got shut off so they evicted her.

Now onto the new boyfriend. Her new boyfriend is her ex bestfriends ex.. ( Still with me? lol ) Her ex bestfriend just had a baby from this guy. ( oh did I mention that my ex is now 5 months pregnant with this guys baby too!!! ??? ) Incase you are confused, This is not a Jerry Springer episode this is my life as it sits now lol.

I have been fighting to see my daughter. She will not let her travel down here to see me. All she keeps doing is blaming me for leaving. But the whole thing was, was that she was coming down in a couple of months and she changed her mind. But somehow this is all my fault and I am the ( for lack of a better term ) "dead beat dad"? as she claims.

There is no working stuff out with my ex. Due to her lack of education, it is very hard to have a decent conversation with her. Its like talking to a child. She lies to much and tells so many stories. Its almost like she gets caught up in a little fantasy world that she created in her head and starts to believe all the lies and bull**** stories she tells.
She thinks she knows everything. She always says hurtfull things to me about my daughter. She throws stuff in my face all the time. I.E her new boyfriend is a better father then I will ever be etc etc. Keep in mind. Her new boyfriend also has 3 other kids from 3 other girls that he refuses to have anything to do with. (So if you are keeping track that is 4 kids in total for this guy.

I could probably write you a whole movie script here but ill end it here.

What are my options? I would love to have full custody because I do not believe that my daughter is in a safe enviorment.

Any adivce???

[Natalie_McDowell]

You Would have to return out west get a Laywer and take her to court for custody and have hard evidence that she is an unfit mother. They will not do anything for you while you are in saint john and she is out west. I think the best thing you could do is you say your mom lives out west get h er to hire a laywer and then see if you can contact him over the phone to do up an affidavit's to send to the court asking for a hearing then once you get a date you would have to fly out west for it

[Coston07]

hire a lawyer and make sure you somehow keep track of all the money you send her. Good luck

[Chilkootteacher]

I agree with Natalie... you must have a lawyer and some evidence would be helpful. Good luck

[newmommy]

oh my.. sound like the same situation me and my hubby are in. there is a lawyer here teed and teed call them. 30$ for 1/2 hour. they are awsome.Take her to court or at lest mediation. its not far to the child at all. its seems like to me she is very selfish and is only thinking about herself and not Ur kid. my advice to you is to take her far away from the environment before she ends up messed up like 3/4 of the kids with a mother and or father that paries and sleeps around.keep EVERYTHING. every email. messages ANYTHING. You can go up to the provincial building on charlotte street and pay 75 $ for court papers. id do this as soon as possible. if you have any more questions or anything please feel free to pm me, i know a lot about this as we are in the middle of a custody battle as well.

[PA]

Yeah its rough because living without my daughter is torture. And seeing the stuff she is going through hurts when there is nothing I can do for her down here. As for my mother. She sticks up for my EX. My EX has no family where she is it. The only family she is there is my mother. Without my mother my EX would be on the streets. But my mother doesn't care about the situation because she gets to see my daughter everyday. She has pretty much said that. And because of this I have not talked to my mother in over a month.

[PA]

And on another note. With me working, how can I find time to go out there and deal with this stuff? Because I'm pretty sure my job isn't just going to let me leave and come back. I might be able to get a few days off but thats about it

[PA]

there is a lawyer here teed and teed call them. 30$ for 1/2 hour. they are awsome.

Do you have a number by any chance? I will call them tomorrow

[newmommy]

yes i do actually 634 7320

[PA]

Thank you very much

[mizunderstood]

And on another note. With me working, how can I find time to go out there and deal with this stuff? Because I'm pretty sure my job isn't just going to let me leave and come back. I might be able to get a few days off but thats about it


What about a personal leave of absence from your job? Check out your rights with EI. You might qualify for a short term LOA.
Stress leave, sck leave, LOA, anything like that?

[FutureChief88]

OMg PA.. i am SOOO sorry to hear about your situation. i cannot offer any advice on the situation. but i just wanted to say i am sorry. My heart sunk reading this story. That poor little girl.. who is probably really missing her daddy.. if there is anything i can do to help.. please let me know. :)

[momof2sweethearts]

I don't know a whole lot about the court system but what I do know is that the system is supposed to be in place for the best benefit of the child. It sounds like you only need a lawyer and if all you write is accurate, the court would have to give you full custody of your daughter. If they compared standards of living and your exes is way below yours I can't see why not. Having her lights turned off and not having a stable place for your daughter to live is unacceptable and I should hope that any judge in their right mind would give you custody. Do whatever you have to do, do it for your child. If she tries to tell you that you have no rights, do not give up. Fathers DO have rights!! Get yourself a lawyer and don''t give up.

[PA]

Thanks everyone for the encouraging words! I will be calling the lawyer that was provided in a few post's above. Once I hear from them I will keep you all updated!!!

[PA]

Would like to thank everyone for the info. I talked to Teed and Teed's today. They informed me that I have just as much rights when it comes to my daughter as her mother does. And also. She can not change my daughters last name unless I sign off on it. So thats a relief.

He also informed me that it wont be an easy process as the law usually leans towards mothers even if the situation is a messed up one. I pretty much have to PROVE that she is an unfit mother. So the battle begins!

[Piper]

From past experience, it is a very hard battle. My husband attempted to get custody of his daughter with no success. We were basically told unless we could prove she did drugs or was physically abusive, we didn't stand a chance. I would still tell you to give it a try though. Do what is best for your daughter. If your mother gets to see her everyday, then don't lose touch with her. Even if you don't agree on things, she could be the link to keep your relationship with your daughter going. I definitely wouldn't close any doors.

[newmommy]

Would like to thank everyone for the info. I talked to Teed and Teed's today. They informed me that I have just as much rights when it comes to my daughter as her mother does. And also. She can not change my daughters last name unless I sign off on it. So thats a relief.

He also informed me that it wont be an easy process as the law usually leans towards mothers even if the situation is a messed up one. I pretty much have to PROVE that she is an unfit mother. So the battle begins!


no problem and if you need anything else please pm me and if i dont know it il find it out!

[redsheila2006]

I hope you get your daughter it will be a long and hard journey because it is almost impossible to prove a mother unfit.If you feel that she is unfit don't give up for your daughters sake.Hopefully someone out there will look at your little girls rights not the mothers rights all the time. My husbands Ex is very unfit she does drugs, had lived in a crackhouse with her daughter, lived with no electricity for months in a house, gave her daughter to a friend to take care of for 6 months while she ran the roads.We finaly got social services to look into this after many peoople called in on her.They finally went to investigate her and told her mother to leave the crack house or they would take herdaughter.The social worker said it was the worst house she had ever seen.Then the mother promised to stay in SJ with her family while they continued their investigation,but she skipped town and moved to Ontario.Now the social worker says it is no longer their concern. The child had lived this type of lifestyle for 8 years and now she is almost 13 and still living in this lifestyle. I hope and pray you get more justice than what we did.

[momof2sweethearts]

I hope you get your daughter it will be a long and hard journey because it is almost impossible to prove a mother unfit.If you feel that she is unfit don't give up for your daughters sake.Hopefully someone out there will look at your little girls rights not the mothers rights all the time. My husbands Ex is very unfit she does drugs, had lived in a crackhouse with her daughter, lived with no electricity for months in a house, gave her daughter to a friend to take care of for 6 months while she ran the roads.We finaly got social services to look into this after many peoople called in on her.They finally went to investigate her and told her mother to leave the crack house or they would take herdaughter.The social worker said it was the worst house she had ever seen.Then the mother promised to stay in SJ with her family while they continued their investigation,but she skipped town and moved to Ontario.Now the social worker says it is no longer their concern. The child had lived this type of lifestyle for 8 years and now she is almost 13 and still living in this lifestyle. I hope and pray you get more justice than what we did.

Well if that is the case than it doesn't sound too good for you. I can't believe they don't protect children. I guess maybe your best option is to go to a mediater (they are free) and find out what exactly you CAN do. You may be able to work it out that you have joint custody but because of the distance perhaps summers with you, something where your ex might agree. If she doesn't it would go to court and the judge would decide. If you can show that you have a good place for your child to live, the judge would probably vote in your favor at least for those months. But like I said earlier I don't really know the court system but I would go that route for now. Try coming to an agreement with your ex on your own first and even than for your protection I would get it in a contract with the mediator. If all else fails let the judge decide. Good luck.