Single parents

[mizunderstood]

Is there something in Saint John for single parents? Maybe a weekly "nite out" or support group, or play group. Anything? I am looking to meet other single moms and dads that are dealing with similar issues that I am. Also my kids are 3 and 2 years old. My 3 year old is autistic, so a play group would be great for him!

[fuzzy]

hi am not a single parent,but was at one time.it is hard ,you said your son has autism, so does my son who is three an ahalf.i can't imagine how you do this by yourself,because i know i could not.also i have a daughter two and ahalf,and another daughter 16 months. waiting to see if she has autism also.i hope you find a group,or maybe even someone who you can share your concerns with,i don't know if i have help,but if you want to talk about autism or anything else let me know.have a great day.

[a.b.and.her.two]

Have you both been in touch with the Community Autism Centre? It would be invaluable to both of you! 642-1128.. Debbie McDonald is an angel i swear...

[KET]

I have often thought how nice it would be to have a single parent group that just did things together. Bowling, road trips anything that would involve the children and yet the adults would have other adults to talk to. Sometimes taking your kids places alone is fun but with other children and adults it would be that much more enjoyable. The support would be invaluable along with great conversation. Camping trips with a group would be a blast.

[tessa]

:D :thumbsup: You may try the family resourse centre, its located on wentworth street, ( or at least it use to be)..they use to offer different programs, such as craft days, young moms , cooking etc...They use to offer and still may, childcare in another room while parents , were doing such things..That way parents get a rest and children get to play with others...And they are at no cost..

[mizunderstood]

Excellent ideas and suggestions everyone! Thank you. I am looking for something in the evenings (since I work all day) to do with the kids, get them out see other people and I need "big people" too... lol...

[stingray]

May I be so bold as to ask why there are so many single parents today?

Have our values changed that drastically that it is not important to have the complete family setting any more?

I will be very interested in hearing your comments and opinions.

[sanstu]

Duh, because people get divorced. Because some people don't get married. Because standards in a relationship have changed over the past 30 years. Because women don't stay with a cheating/abusive spouse. Because a spouse ends up in jail for a crime. Gee, I guess that is a few reasons why someone might be a single parent!

[mizunderstood]

May I be so bold as to ask why there are so many single parents today?
Have our values changed that drastically that it is not important to have the complete family setting any more?
I will be very interested in hearing your comments and opinions.

Well, speaking in my case. The reason I am a single mommy is because I was never "legally" married to my kids father. The main reasons that I am "doing it alone" is because after 6 years of promising to change, promising to get help, promising to be a btter person. I had enough. I was tired of him lying to me all the time, sneaking around behind my back, STEALing from us, tired of the drug use, the anger issues, the language around my babies, and the general hatefulness he showed me. HE never physically touched me or the kids, BUT he had a habit of breaking things when he was mad, or causing damage to property as revenge.(One time he got mad because "HIS SEAT" in the car was not put back in the right position so he jumped out of the car, hit the ground, and then kicked the crap out of my car with my 2 kids in it) THere is no need of having a person around my kids that is going to be acting like that.

Have our values changed that drastically that it is not important to have the complete family setting any more?

I am sure every "single parent" has a different story, but for the most part I think the common factor is doing what is best for the children. For me it was more important to have happy, healthy, safe and secure children than having a Norman Rockwell family picture. Even without a daddy in the picture, I feel I do have a complete family. THe major thing that has changed over the years when it comes to the family dynamic is the issue of abuse. People acknowled abuse now, and it is not such a stigma to admit that you have been the victim of abuse. There is support there for people that are ready to leave an abusive situation.

I too would be interested in hearing others stories of what brought them to be single parents. Yes times have changed, and unfortunatly a "complete family unit" is not what it once was. The whole idea of "family" has drastically changed even in the past 10-20 years.

[rhiley_08j]

How about the fact that you have a bunch of deadbeat dads who will only go so far as getting what they want from a woman and than when low and behold children appear, they can't handle the responsibility and leave the woman and children to fend for themselves. Or the fact that more and more children are sexually active at a younger age these days. The girls end up believing the BS that these young fellas tell them, give them what they are looking for and than can't handle the responsibility. These girls then end up as single parents and find a hard time finding a man that is willing to jump into a ready made family. Or the fact that a woman is so promiscious that she has several children and any decent guy doesn't want anything to do with because god knows what else she might bring to the table. Some men look at a situation like that as a whole lot of luggage that they don't want to deal with. That's is just to name a few reasons.

[Marigold]

I think there are so many different reasons that someone is a single parent, too many to list. It's also the reason I don't like the idea of single parents groups...Because there are so many reasons that people are single parents, so many differences in situations, that I don't think just being a single parent is enough in common for a group. For example, as Mizunderstood says, she is the parent of two small children, one of whom is autistic. I'm a single parent of a 13 year old. My challenges, I'm sure, are extremely different than the challenges she faces. Some single parents are middle class, some are barely getting by- how much in common do we have? Some single parents homeschool, some work full time, some part time- again all different situations. It may just be me, but if I were to look for a group to join, I would look for something more in common with my situation than being a single parent...

s

[Triple J]

May I be so bold as to ask why there are so many single parents today?

Have our values changed that drastically that it is not important to have the complete family setting any more?

I will be very interested in hearing your comments and opinions.

Have our values change ..UM YES and sometimes for the better.

For your information there have ALWAYS BEEN single parents. Not important to have a complete family setting anymore (Guffaw) No sometimes it is more important to remove the part that doesn't work with the family setting ( ie: abusive, drug-addicted,alcoholism, gambling, neglectful, cheaters,)

An "incomplete" family setting could also mean that someone has passed away.

Some people simply are also not happy together. You only have one life to life and no reason to live it unhappily. My ex and I co-parent, we do not have to be together to do that. the kids are absolutely happy and missing nothing. Thank you.

[mizunderstood]

I think there are so many different reasons that someone is a single parent, too many to list. It's also the reason I don't like the idea of single parents groups...Because there are so many reasons that people are single parents, so many differences in situations, that I don't think just being a single parent is enough in common for a group. For example, as Mizunderstood says, she is the parent of two small children, one of whom is autistic. I'm a single parent of a 13 year old. My challenges, I'm sure, are extremely different than the challenges she faces. Some single parents are middle class, some are barely getting by- how much in common do we have? Some single parents homeschool, some work full time, some part time- again all different situations. It may just be me, but if I were to look for a group to join, I would look for something more in common with my situation than being a single parent...

s

Some very excellent points you made here! Despite the differences between the people in a support group, there is one underlying factor. Being SINGLE. I am sure no matter who you are, where you live, how much you work, or how much money you have we all have similar issues. How do u do it alone? How do you get help when you need it? How do u cope being single? there are many common issues that single parents of any age, color, socioeconomic group share.

[Marigold]

Mizunderstood, you also make some good points...I guess maybe because I don't deal with many of the issues that single parents go through, I don't feel the need to go to any kind of support group. That doesn't mean they aren't a good idea though...I've been divorced for 12 years, have an excellent relationship with my ex and his new family, and have a fantastic family that are always around- I also have a job that allows me five family related leave days, lots of sick leave and vacation, so I don't feel any kind of pressure when I have to stay home, or need someone to help out.

s

[mizunderstood]

Wow, Marigold, you were very fortunate. (and I don't mean the sarcastically, I am being sincere!) I wish I had the support that you had. Right now I am raising my 2 kids totally alone, their father has "disappeared" quit his job, and has not bothered to contact the kids even once in over a month. The only "support" I have is my momma. She picks my kids up from daycare and sitters when I am running late from work, or if I have an appointment. Last week though she took my son for a sleep over and they both had a blast! That was sooo awesome! I guess I am looking for a group that helps tackle some of the issues that most single parents face, like finances, child raising, discipline, working, home life, those kids of things. It would be nice to have someone to talk to after a long day of work, school, and kids. KWIM? lol... An adult that understands the stress I am under....Also it would be good for the kids to see how other kids act with only one parent, and see that you don't need to have a mommy AND a daddy living together to be happy... Right now my kids are giving me a rough time, trying to push the limits, and rules.It is a long week! I need a bubble bath, a glass of wine and a good book! I guess I will settle for a bubble bath for 2, a glass of apple juice, and The Emporer's new clothes, AGAIN! lol...
Thanks everyone for your suggestions! I will be checking them out tomorrow while I am "working" lol...... Tomorrow is my slow day!

[Eremda]

I think a social group would be a great idea. The kids don't have to be the same age to have fun together and activities could be done on the cheap. Even a pot luck at someones place with adults to talk to while the kids interact. Yes it would be great to join groups with kids who have similar interests, but who wants to hang out with a group of couples. Single parents of all situations just sometimes need another adult.