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View Full Version : Let's talk about breaking up shall we?!


Cherry Pop
01-15-2007, 07:37 PM
Anyone else on here ever had a hard time with a break up? And if you did what did you do to get over it and move on? I broke up with my ex a few months ago because he did something awful. You would think that because I did the breaking up and he did something awful that getting over it would be easy but it's not. To make matters worse I end up running into him every day because he owns a building across the street from me. Everytime I see him I get filled with such hate which isn't like me - I'm not a hateful person or at least I never have been. I really need to get over this but I'm not sure how. I tried doing some online dating and have gone on a few dates but I know I'm just not ready to date again. Anyone out there have any advice for me?

icedragon
01-15-2007, 07:54 PM
Take your time. Go out with friends, have some fun. Live your life.

clairegt
01-15-2007, 08:47 PM
Did you ever think of moving? I know that might sound like an extreme measure but sometimes not having to see the person can work wonders for getting over them... it has worked for me in the past!!

Corinne
01-15-2007, 08:49 PM
Break Ups are hard, regardless of who did the breaking up part. There is always a part of us that grieves the relationship that just ended. There will always be wounds that take time to heal. My advice is to give yourself time to be you for a while. I think that soooo many people hurry right out of one relationship and right into another and they don't give themselves time in the middle to think about what kind of person they really want to be with. It is hard to be alone when it seems like everyone else has a partner, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with it at all. One of the happiest times in my life was when I stopped trying to be happy with men that didn't suit me and enjoyed my single independent life. I have been where you are now, and trust me I can remember what it feels like. I just think that slowly if you shift the focus and say to yourself everyday...I am healing and I will be so much happier soon. And as far as the hate....one of these days you will see this person and feel nothing. (At least that is what happened in my experience).
Goodness I rambled on a bit..lol. I guess the point I am getting at is..don't try to find someone else to take away the hurt and the anger. If you feel like you aren't ready to date then you aren't. And no one else can dull the feelings you are having now.

adm
01-15-2007, 09:04 PM
Here Here. I'm with Corrine. I'm in the same situation as you, Cherry Pop. I just recently split with my husband of 5 years and it has not been easy. One of the things that I have realized in the few short months since I've been alone is that I lost a lot of my identity. The person that I became to accomodate his needs was not the person that I am or that I need to be. Because he didn't want children, I agreed to not have any. This is not what I want - I want a family. Because he didn't like to travel I gave up a passion of mine. Now that I'm single again, I have time to reflect on the person that I am (and am heading to the Dominican next month!!) and to heal from the emotional damage that he caused. Some days are easier than others - it's not easy being a 35 year old single female, but it sure is better than the alternative. I've already lived that and don't plan on going back. We're all allowed to make 1 big stupid mistake - as long as we learn from it, it's all good.

Hang in there, Cherry Pop! You'll look back on this and be thankful that you had this life lesson. We are women, hear us roar!! Don't settle - I did, and it's not worth it...

Keep your chin Up
A

Cherry Pop
01-16-2007, 03:39 PM
Thanks everyone! LOL I did think of moving but it really isn't an option right now.

space
01-17-2007, 09:26 AM
I had a breakup 2 months after my daughter was born.. and that makes it even harder when theirs a child involed!

tag
01-17-2007, 09:49 AM
2 things (and this is from hard experience)
1-friends
2-when with friends do NOT talk about the ex. do anything else to keep the mind off the subject. after a little while it gets much, much easier

tred816
01-17-2007, 10:35 AM
Hi Cherry Pop. Don't feel guilty about your feelings. You can't control how you feel and you're entitled to have them.
You might not like the feeling, but the more you repress it, the more likely you are to continue feeling worse. It's perfectly normal to have unwelcome feelings of hatred. Otherwise, there wouldn't be the word. It's a strong word for a strong feeling and it may not be pleasant, but it really is normal.
He obviously did a horrible thing and, in the long run, you're better off without him.
Corrinne had some really good points. I was in the same boat a few years ago and when I finally let my guard down, I met my fiance. After a string of bad relationships, the good one is the one that I didn't look for and came looking for me instead.
You're entitled to the time to heal. Don't rush into anything or you're likely to fall back into the same old patterns.
You'll be ok.
:cool:

hiph0p
01-17-2007, 02:41 PM
go out wth your friends and party thats what i would do lol

devils_advocat1
01-17-2007, 06:56 PM
Here Here hiph0p, thats my solution to break ups...just go party for a while. enjoy yourself and dont burden yourself with anything except making sure #1 is happy and havin fun.

Cherry Pop
01-17-2007, 07:57 PM
Partying is sort of hard for me to do right now with my health and all might pull a stitch! lol! I guess dealing with everything has me a little down!

Foxhound
01-18-2007, 12:35 AM
Just keep busy. Being alone by yourself in your place will only make you feel worse. Surround yourself with friends and family. Also DON'T jump in another relationship right away. Enjoy being single and the single life. :biggrin:

hiph0p
01-18-2007, 01:28 AM
Single life is Fun :] i love the bar scene sometmes i wish i was single , but just on the weekends lol

hyjack
01-18-2007, 02:55 AM
hey there cherry pop coming from a guys perspective on this and where i came from an abusive relationship with one of my ex's and the only reason it was abusive is because i did nothing back and i wasn't strong enough to leave her because deep down i did care for her but after we did break up i was in your shoes i seen her every day even at my work but what i did was surround myself with all my buddies took a few days for myself inviting the guys over for poker and manly stuff lol then when i did see her i was ready and i ignored her like she wasn't even in my vision path and i think that bothered her more than i could ever say, do, think of so hang in there honey and take your time when the time is right you will feel it and when you do come back on and let us know how your doing