Poll Who's wrong or is it not an important issue?!?!?

[Vix]

Ok saint johners...I have some complicated friends but I'm glad I have other opinions to give them a different point of view.....now for the problem,

I have a friend who is going thru a medical procedure, it's not life threatening but precautionary to prevent further problems....she has been dating this guy for over 2 years, they don't live together but spend every available time together when they are able...she apparently never asked him to take her or pick her up because she knew what he would say...(too busy at work to take the time off) so she just waited to see if he would say he's going to pick her up...and guess what he did, but he also mentioned he really needed to work and couldn't take the time off, so she said no she could drive home because she knew he wouldnt anyways...so this started a little discussion apparently about whether he should just take a couple hours (if that)off and be there for my friend or whether he should work and continue on with his normal schedule.....now I gave them my opinion but he thinks I'm just siding with her cause she's my friend...lol So here's where you come in SJ....What is the Right thing to do.....(this was actually the bf's idea as he thinks he's right)

a) he should take an hour off and be there for for her as she is always there for him & she doesn't ask him for much.

b) she should Just go to the hospital and suck it up as if it's no big deal & drive herself home, hoping she won't have any problems driving or be in pain.

c) she should have a friend or family member go with her for company. (however it is a personal kind of surgery, and she doesn't feel comfortable doing this)

d) he should buy her flowers and stop by after work and suck up (personally I think he should do this anyways because of the way she spoils him)

I know this is a waste of your time but they asked me for advice and I couldnt' resist...lol so now it's up to you, what should the bf do????
Thanks for helping out....have a great day. ;)

Vix

[angelaa]

<TABLE id=HB_Mail_Container height="100%" cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" border=0 UNSELECTABLE="on"><TBODY><TR height="100%" UNSELECTABLE="on" width="100%"><TD id=HB_Focus_Element vAlign=top width="100%" background="" height=250 UNSELECTABLE="off">He should definately drive her and be there for her, sometimes small procedures can turn into major problems where complications could arise, hopefully not though. whats two hours out of his heavy work schedule compared to a life time of happiness with her.
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[kb]

no question he has to be there and drive her home also spend some time with her

[trinity]

I don't see why he can't wait at work and get her to call him when she is done to come and get her, unless he can be right in the room while they are doing the procedure. The wait could be longer than planned and he could end up stuck in the waiting room full of coughing, bleeding, crying people. I put a friend through that once, and was put in that spot by friends 5 times and I will never do it again, that's why god made taxis. Maybe he has the sort of job I used to have, where "getting a couple hours off" for anything less than my personal hospitalization was next to impossible.

[puppyluv]

Vix,

My question is, why woulnt he want to be there for his girl friend??? Does he have hidden issues with hospitals etc? Or is it a job he can not take the time off of?
When I had my knee scope, you canbe sure my better half was with me..The moral support was huge and I was scared. I feel for your friend because sometimes facing unplesant things is hard enough without doing it on your own. Isnt that why we seek out others for a relationship? To share with, and lean on and love? maybe buddy needs a reminder.:)

[The_Dave]

Ok saint johners...I have some complicated friends but I'm glad I have other opinions to give them a different point of view.....now for the problem,

I have a friend who is going thru a medical procedure, it's not life threatening but precautionary to prevent further problems....she has been dating this guy for over 2 years, they don't live together but spend every available time together when they are able...she apparently never asked him to take her or pick her up because she knew what he would say...(too busy at work to take the time off) so she just waited to see if he would say he's going to pick her up...and guess what he did, but he also mentioned he really needed to work and couldn't take the time off, so she said no she could drive home because she knew he wouldnt anyways...so this started a little discussion apparently about whether he should just take a couple hours (if that)off and be there for my friend or whether he should work and continue on with his normal schedule.....now I gave them my opinion but he thinks I'm just siding with her cause she's my friend...lol So here's where you come in SJ....What is the Right thing to do.....(this was actually the bf's idea as he thinks he's right)

a) he should take an hour off and be there for for her as she is always there for him & she doesn't ask him for much.

b) she should Just go to the hospital and suck it up as if it's no big deal & drive herself home, hoping she won't have any problems driving or be in pain.

c) she should have a friend or family member go with her for company. (however it is a personal kind of surgery, and she doesn't feel comfortable doing this)

d) he should buy her flowers and stop by after work and suck up (personally I think he should do this anyways because of the way she spoils him)

I know this is a waste of your time but they asked me for advice and I couldnt' resist...lol so now it's up to you, what should the bf do????
Thanks for helping out....have a great day. ;)

Vix

In my opinion, for this to EVEN become an issue or question is ridiculous, obviously he IS NOT the right man for her. She should dump him immediately as issues like this and others will only be about him for the rest of their lives. She needs someone who thinks of others besides themselves. To me this is a no brainer - Dump him.



PS I hope everything goes OK for your friend.

[ja9#nbnet.nb.ca]

I personally just had a little surgery last friday at the regional, (just a local) but extremly scary none the less, and my partner lost a whole days pay to be there with me, right in the room, and I wouldn't of had it any other way, that is just what someone does when they love and care for you, I feel bad for your friend, but I hope all is well, and perhaps she should do a little 'brainstorming' while she is recovering, to see if this guy is really the one she wants to spend the rest of her life with..... I don't know him at all, but it sure sounds a little insensitive to me, but that's just my 2 cents worth! tell your friend to get well soon!!!! :)

[magoosmomma]

In my opinion, for this to EVEN become an issue or question is ridiculous, obviously he IS NOT the right man for her. She should dump him immediately as issues like this and others will only be about him for the rest of their lives. She needs someone who thinks of others besides themselves. To me this is a no brainer - Dump him.



PS I hope everything goes OK for your friend.


Thats the option I was looking for too Dave.. !!

[baseball 23]

The person receiving the operation should feel that she can be honest enough with the guy to tell him whether or not she wants him there. If she can be honest with him and wants him there, then he should be there. If she honestly doesn't really care, or would prefer for him not to be there, then he should go to work.
The real issue is communication, the poor guy can't interpret what's going on in her head, tell him want you want, be clear, right it down if you need to. This is why men can't understand women, we don't get the signals. Just tell us what you want or are thinking and then we can make a rational decision. Interpreting his wanting to be at work as bad when maybe he doesn't know what she wants is wrong.

[JustWatching]

with The Dave

Look they are only two years into this relationship...and unless there are serious issues at work (not that you mentioned he COULD NOT get the time off) - it sounds more like this guy doesn't think enough of her to be there. She shouldn't have to beg him...actually it shouldn't even be a question. Sounds to me like this guy is not for her....not thinking about her feelings....trust me it sounds like a small thing now....but if they stay together they'll turn out like a couple I knew...10yrs...2kids later and she still didn't know how he felt about her....everything was about him....

[Mandi]

If he's going to lose his job, then he should be at work, otherwise The_Dave will end up supporting him financially. If he is able to take the time off however and not risk losing his job, why isn't he? He should definitely be there for her if he is able to be.

[mizunderstood]

I want to play devils advocate today.. so here goes....

I think it all depends on the surgery, and what kind of job he has. There are some jobs out there (not many) that will not tolerate ANY kind of time off without a medical note, and since he is not the one having surgery it might be very hard to get that. And he may sound insensitive and uncaring, BUT maybe he is just worried about losing a good paying job. Also if it is something very minor (like having a internal scrape or something like that) SHe might have no reason to have him drive her. Though it should all depend on what the dr says. IF the dr said she is not to drive afterwards then of course she should not drive, but I am sure she could find a friend to take her home, or take a cab. Maybe he is just worried about losing a job and then not being able to support himself (and possibly her later on)
I agree it would be nice to have her bf there with her but sometimes we just cant get what we want. I have had many surgeries and sometimes my husband was there, sometimes he was not. I dealt with it.
After saying all this I do hope that your friend will be ok and good luck!

[The_Dave]

If he's going to lose his job, then he should be at work, otherwise The_Dave will end up supporting him financially. If he is able to take the time off however and not risk losing his job, why isn't he? He should definitely be there for her if he is able to be.

Hahahahaha, good one.

[lizard_lover]

I think if he is not in danger of losing his job, he should be there for her, since I would assume he would want the same from her, but it really depends on the surgery...I think if it requires any anaesthetic (spelling error) than he should be there, if no anaesthesia is needed, then it may not be so serious, and she may be able to go alone...but no matter what you are going to a hospital for, it is so depressing I always feel better if i have some company.

[Vix]

Hey everyone, thank you so much for your comments...I just got an update on the situation.....he called her this morning and TOLD her he was coming to pick her up and drive her to the hospital & home as well. He spent what was suppose to be an hour turning into 3 hours when all said and done and never complained and even bought her dinner.....I'm sure he cares for her but doesn't always get the needs of other people around him....:) she says she loves him and understand he can be a very hard person to understand and is trying, and seems that he is too. At least she has me and all of you for support, thanks everyone for your time and opinion it means alot to her.
Vix

[Mandi]

Hey everyone, thank you so much for your comments...I just got an update on the situation.....he called her this morning and TOLD her he was coming to pick her up and drive her to the hospital & home as well. He spent what was suppose to be an hour turning into 3 hours when all said and done and never complained and even bought her dinner.....I'm sure he cares for her but doesn't always get the needs of other people around him....:) she says she loves him and understand he can be a very hard person to understand and is trying, and seems that he is too. At least she has me and all of you for support, thanks everyone for your time and opinion it means alot to her.
Vix


Sounds like she has his support too...

[The_Dave]

I am glad everything worked out.