would you?

[cuddles2007]

I have this friend of mine who was in a bad relationship about 2 yrs ago . i was at a bar and i saw her husband with another girl dancing and kissing . i thought id be a good friend and tell her about it. and this all happened while she was preg.She asked him about it and of course he lied to her and said it was his cousin from moncton . so she got mad at me and said i was lying to brake them up! a month went by and i saw him again with the same girl. i told her again and she told me i was trying to brake them up and she didn't want anything to do with me.About a yr ago she called me and told me i was right that he was cheating on her and she said sorry to me. We are still friends but we really don't talk that much or close at all. did i do the right thing ? Or did i mess up a good thing with us?

[trinity]

Yes, and yes.
I personally feel that in this day and age, with all the diseases that are out there, NOT telling someone can be dangerous. I guess it depends on your relationship with the person, and how you tell them. People are always going to react negatively to bad news, and even if you are right, they will tend to blame the messenger in the end. Also, the sooner they know, the sooner they can get out of a bad relationship and start over. If you ever once try to break someone up by lying, no one will ever take your word for it again. My friend married a man that both I and our other best friend felt was not in it for the long term, but we didn't want to take a chance on being wrong so we kept our mouths shut at the wedding.. when he started cheating 3 years later and she came to us to voice her concerns, then we told her what we knew of his behaviour with previous girls before he married her. Of course, then it was " why didnt you say something sooner?" but at least we weren't the bearer of bad news, we only reconfirmed what she already knew with what we knew. But if we had found out that he was cheating on her in the first 3 years, we had decided we would tell her, for her health. It just so happened she found out first. I think she found credit card bills for stuff he didnt buy for her, or printed emails or something like that.

[rubycshells]

Personally I think all women know when a spouse/bf are cheating on them. It is just whether they want to face it or not. Many women I know have said they had the feeling that something was going on but didn't want to admit it.

As for telling if I saw a friends husband/bf cheating on her...I wouldn't. The person who tells is never going to come out the "good" guy in this. I feel that it is between the other two to work out.

[The_Dave]

You did the right thing by telling her. You proved your loyalty to her and she choose not to believe you. She on the other hand got what she deserved because she blindly stayed in the relationship knowing full well he was cheating on her. This is called denial and I don't want to be alone syndrome. Sooooo many women do this for fear of being alone. I feel bad that she has no confidence in herself.

[tred816]

I have to agree with The Dave on this one cuddles.

You did the right thing telling her. Any good friend would. How could you not?

[Mandi]

You did the right thing by telling her. You proved your loyalty to her and she choose not to believe you. She on the other hand got what she deserved because she blindly stayed in the relationship knowing full well he was cheating on her. This is called denial and I don't want to be alone syndrome. Sooooo many women do this for fear of being alone. I feel bad that she has no confidence in herself.


I have to agree completely.

[cuddles2007]

the thing is they broke up for 6 months and got back together . they have been together now for 4 yrs. we got into a fight beacuse she is always calling me telling me he cheated on her then she goes back to him. i told her i dont wanna hear it anymore she knows its gonna happen and she goes back to him then it happens . i wanna be a friend but we both know he's gonna cheat on her

[Flaxie]

Sounds like your friend needs a therapist! Some self esteem courses and some independence!
I spent several years with a man who did just what your friend's spouse does. And I kept taking him back because it was easier then trying to make a go of things on my own. (I know this now but didn't then) Well now we have been separated for 9 years. I am involved in a much more satisfying relationship and the ex has moved on and grown up as well. Once you laydown and let someone walk on you they will continue to. Neither your friend or her spouse will be able to grow as an individual until they part ways.

[tag]

I have "been there" twice.
I took the other route. I told the girl who was doing the cheating that either she told him, or I would. And I had witnesses.
Both times they told and the relationship ended, but my friends remain my friends

[The_Dave]

I personally feel people who have affairs in most cases are insecure about who they are and what they have. They are users and abusers to others and themselves. They emit low self esteem. I see it all the time. People think that little extra attention from strangers is going to improve their self outlook on themselves. Wrong. They think that extra fling before walking down the aisle or committing to someone is going to fill the huge void in their life that has existed for years. They are only fooling themselves. If I hear of any of my friends being cheated on, or my friends doing the cheating, I am the first one to speak up. I think people who cheat are destroying their families and friendships. The ones who cheat ALWAYS get found out about, some right away, some in due time. It is irreversible and unforgivable.

Alcohol is no excuse for an affair either. That is a cop out.


Just my 2 cents.

[christine chittick]

Very Well said The Dave. Very Well Said!!