Opinion on visiting where people smoke

[trinity]

Ok, I went to my mothers for dinner as usual this week and both she and her husband smoke. They are older, 70s and 80s and not going to change now. My problem is that you really can't go to someone else's house and ask them not to smoke, and I can't invite them to my house because then I would either have to let them smoke in my apartment or feel rude in sending old people out on the unsafe back steps that have no railing and we don't even use ourselves. Spring and summer are fine at their house, they usually crack a window or two at least some part of the day, but winters are awful. {***graphic description coming}-yesterday when I got up, I hacked and coughed and brought up dark brown mucus from being at their house for 2 1/2 hrs the night before. What can I do? Not visit? Wear a painters mask? Try to set MY rules in their house? Would it be rude to ask that only one of them smoke at a time? I don't even know if that would help.

[space]

for one it's rude to call your parents old people! stay away from their home and if they come to your home lite some candl's open some windows turn the fan on or anything that helps clear the smoke away!

[Lemme_LQQK]

Well first trinity , I hardly think that you as you put it "hacked up dark brown mucus" just from being there for what2 1/2 hrs? You must have something medically wrong going on there .

And secondly , if when at your "elderly " parents house , have you ever thought of going into another room while they have thier cigarette?

If asked , explain to them that you have a serious problem with cigarette smoke. From what you said about the summer they crack a window open, that tells me they are showing you respect .
Whether it be 1 person smoking or 2 ,cig smoke is still cigarette smoke .

Explain to them that when they come to visit u you would appreciate it if they either wouldn't or have them smoke in another room with a window open or a smokeless ashtray be put in there with them.

In my opinion that's what I would do. Good luck hope it all works out for you and your parents.

[subaru2222]

for one it's rude to call your parents old people! stay away from their home and if they come to your home lite some candl's open some windows turn the fan on or anything that helps clear the smoke away!

For on thing space_out she did not call them "old people" she called them older which is the truth she did not mean anything by it. And good advice just don't ever visit your parents umm good way to solve the problem NOT!!!

I mean its her parents what harm could it be to politely ask them while they are visiting to not smoke. What are they going to do disown her for trying to keep herself healthy. They should be proud of her to speak her mind. Heck so what they are older people they can still quit smoking if they put their mind to it its never to late and if people think that way well they they might as well give up.

It's never to late for anything. The only people that say that just don't have the drive or passion for things I guess.

I hear people all the time oh I'm to old to go to College or I always wanted to play the guitar or piano bu I'm to old etc... Well thats not true I went to College in my 30's and it was great there was a Woman in my class that was pushing 50 and she did great too. Well thats my 2-cents :)

[subaru2222]

Well first trinity , I hardly think that you as you put it "hacked up dark brown mucus" just from being there for what2 1/2 hrs? You must have something medically wrong going on there

So you were there and saw her doing said hacking? So how the heck do you know she did not hack up brown stuff? Nice way to call someone a liar to their face. Go have another cig Lemme and have fun hacking up what ever.

[karen]

I was somewhat in the same position with the other family members. I don't really think it's your place to tell your parents what they can and can't do in their own house, so if they start smoking go into a different room. If they are chain smokers, and the smoke is really bothering you, just cut your visit short. Invite them over to your house more often. If you have a smoke free home and politely tell them this, I'm sure they would respect that and step outside if they have the urge/craving for a cigarette.. I have a smoke free home and have many smokers that stop by to visit. They have never once lit up in my house! They have been kind and considerate enough to either cut their visit short, or step outside and smoke.
Best of luck,

[eugeneb]

You can't say much to your parents for smoking in their own home,But I know that if some one comes to my home and are only going to be a short time here my wife and I will not smoke while they are here , it is called respect.
as as far as hacking, smoke does bother some worse then others, I have been smoking for 40 years and havent hacked up any thing yet.

[vanessalynn5484]

I still hack up things from when I used to smoke and I still always feel a cold or a flu first in my lungs.

Quitting smoking is not the same thing as deciding to go back to college. I still crave menthol ciggs. Depending on how their bodies handle the chemical addiction it could possible make them quite sick when they quit. Symptoms similar or worse than heroine withdrawl can occur to Long term smokers who quit.

[rhiley_08j]

trinity i can relate to you because my little one CAN NOT be around cig smoke.our problem is all of my family smokes and will smoke around her,so guess what ,we do not visit.my grandmother was 83 years old and when she came to my house she smoked outside!it is a hard choice to make but what is more important?your health or theis smoke?and guess what i am a smoker!so i do know what it is like not to smoke around others.

[girdy]

Their house, their rules. Your house, your rules.

Would suggest you let them know the effects of smoking on you, because they may not be aware of it. And maybe they'll compromise by smoking less while you're there, which may be the best you can expect. Or maybe they'd crack a window while smoking in the winter as well, if they understood the effect on you. Your mom probably doesn't want you to be coughing up a lung when you go home, and I bet would do something if she knew what was going on.

Maybe in the summer you could invite them to some outdoor picnics or bbq's, say at Rockwood Park, that you would host and they could smoke away, rather than dinner in your house. But while they're in your house, it should be your rules and there should be no smoking if that's your rule.

[rogerfoucault]

As they are in their senior years it is going to be really hard to ask, if you'll excuse the cliche, for an "old dog to learn new tricks".

Second hand smoke is dangerous. Look at the case a few years back of a non-smoking female bartender who contracted lung cancer from having been exposed to continuous second hand smoke in her environment.

The website for the Canadian Cancer Society has this to say about second hand smoke:
"When a person smokes near you, you breathe in second-hand smoke. Many of us breathe it in whether we know it or not, in public places, around doorways of buildings and at work. When someone smokes inside a home or car, everyone inside breathes second-hand smoke.

Cigarettes produce about 12 minutes of smoke, yet the smoker may inhale only 30 seconds of smoke from their cigarette. The rest of the smoke lingers in the air for non-smokers and smokers to breathe. Second-hand smoke contains more than 4000 chemicals. Many of these chemicals are known to cause cancer.

Chemicals found in second-hand smoke include:

carbon monoxide (found in your car’s exhaust)
ammonia (found in window cleaners)
cadmium (found in batteries)
arsenic (found in rat poison) Each year, more than 1000 non-smoking Canadians die from second-hand smoke."


------------


Try calling your parents on the phone and tactfully explain your concerns about your parents environment and how you feel it might impact your health. Explain the risks and how you are really uncomfortable with this type of exposure when you are at their place. Encourage them to smoke outdoors as even smoking in a different room doesn't prove to be a failsafe method of smoking indoors without it affecting others in the home. Smoke seeps out of door cracks and lingers on walls, furniture, clothes, on food, etc., not to mention the foul, stale odour that comes with smoking.



Also explain that you are incorporating a 'No Smoking' policy in your home and that all smokers need to smoke outside and they should dress for the weather, and even bring an umbrella if it's raining or snowing out, because ultimately it is your health, not to mention it's your home and that's just how it is. Hopefully they will respect your concerns as a show of their love for you and respect your expressed issues about repeated health risks when exposed to second hand smoke.


If they put up a fuss then the choice is really yours as to how to deal with this. Do you refuse to go to their home again? Will they refuse to go to your home?



A strong family will make sacrifices. Hopefully your parents will find consideration to make some sacrifices if they can't or simply refuse to quit smoking.


Good luck with this.






Regards,


Roger Foucault
ANT-TROPOLIS STUDIOS
www.ant-tropolis.com

[space]

For on thing space_out she did not call them "old people" she called them older which is the truth she did not mean anything by it. And good advice just don't ever visit your parents umm good way to solve the problem NOT!!!

I mean its her parents what harm could it be to politely ask them while they are visiting to not smoke. What are they going to do disown her for trying to keep herself healthy. They should be proud of her to speak her mind. Heck so what they are older people they can still quit smoking if they put their mind to it its never to late and if people think that way well they they might as well give up.

It's never to late for anything. The only people that say that just don't have the drive or passion for things I guess.

I hear people all the time oh I'm to old to go to College or I always wanted to play the guitar or piano bu I'm to old etc... Well thats not true I went to College in my 30's and it was great there was a Woman in my class that was pushing 50 and she did great too. Well thats my 2-cents :)

if you can read the post again ..trinity said older people and old people!
trinity get yourself prepared when they do come over!


seniors or elderlys maybe!!

[Tara]

She said older....it's not rude or uncalled for.

[trinity]

Well first trinity , I hardly think that you as you put it "hacked up dark brown mucus" just from being there for what2 1/2 hrs? You must have something medically wrong going on there .

.

No, I'm perfectly healthy, the rest of my week is just 100% smoke free, in my home, at work, my car etc and I don't have friends who smoke either so when I go to their house even for a few drinks, no one smokes. Itook it as a sign that the cilia in my lungs are working well, overnight they cleaned my lungs of the junk I inhaled.

And I did call them "old people", I was being somewhat sarcastic, they get out more than I do most weeks LOL. My stepfather is now blind and I could not imagine sending him out on my back stoop, it has no railing and about an 8 ft drop to the ground {and that's for another Landlord thread-we've learned to live with it by rarely using our back door}. Maybe an air purifier purchase is in order. I'm sure they would run it for a at least an hour or so before my visit, we're pretty much on a "schedule" at this point.

[space]

I just don't like that terminology.. no worries. hope your front entrace no worse than you back entrance.. lol

[ChelorSean]

Well i know how you feel, my mother inlaw smokes and for my first baby we lived with them so i had no choice but nobody smoked around him not in the car nothing.Now after having my second baby and we live out of their house it's really hard for me to take him there because there is no smoking in my house.The only thing i could do was ask her to smoke in another room and have respect for the baby!she also cuts how much she smokes while we are there.but i just wanted to tell you that i now excatly how you feel and i think a purifier would do great in this situation.good luck it's a tough one.:)

[Mandi]

I swear if Jesus came into my house, sat on my couch and wanted a cigarette, he'd be going outside for it. But you can't ask your parents to leave while they smoke in their home. :( When I'm at my fiance's parent's house, and they smoke, I just put on my coat , and go out onto the porch for 10-15 minutes, long enough for it to subside. I can't be around smoke, it hurts my lungs, and I have a hard time breathing, and also cough up yucky stuff. Kind of not my idea of fun. I'm sure your parents mean no disrespect by their smoking, and wouldn't be offended if you left the room while they did so.

[vanessalynn5484]

I swear if Jesus came into my house, sat on my couch and wanted a cigarette, he'd be going outside for it. . LOL Now that gets the point across!

[care1978]

if they go to your house you could always ask them if they would mind smoking in your bathroom with the fan on a candle lit, and the window opened. i mean they are your parents, why would you feel weird asking them to do that? just bc they are your parents doesnt mean that you should feel oddly about asking them to smoke elsewhere in your home; if anything you should feel more comfortable asking them to respect your home. but if it their home, i guess you are just going to have to grin and bare it.
this of course is just my oppinion :)

[Lemme_LQQK]

So you were there and saw her doing said hacking? So how the heck do you know she did not hack up brown stuff? Nice way to call someone a liar to their face. Go have another cig Lemme and have fun hacking up what ever.


Tsk,tsk,tsk, nasty nasty aren't we . hahahaha, You're funny. :rofl:
Thanks for reminding me to have a cigarette I almost forgot ...lol
As for "hacking" haven't had the displeasure , when I do then I'll quit , until then I will continue to smoke cigarettes.

You seem to be more upset by my reply to Trinity than Trinity is, And Nooooo I wasn't there at the alleged "hacking" ...lol But the way trinity said it , I felt that maybe she had over exaggerated somewhat .
And to react so quickly to cigarette smoke I would think maybe there is a medical issue there.
I did not call anyone a "liar" you're the only one that has used the word.
Subaru if you don't smoke then I suggest you start, it may calm you down a bit. hahaha

Put that in your pipe and smoke it....!

Trinity I surely do hope you are able to solve your dilemma.

[Cherry Pop]

I'm allergic to cig smoke. If I'm at someone's house who smokes, I just leave the room until they are done.

[vanessalynn5484]

Sub in your next post you should channel Johnathan Swift and write about how in order to solve poverty we should feed the needy the smokers.:rolleyes:



(...it's satire & I am being sarcastic :rolleyes:)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Modest_Proposal

[Chinna Dah]

This one is a tough one Trinity, If I were you, (my mom and I are very close) I would wear a painters mask. Mom doesnt smoke, in fact my only relatives that do smoke are my aunt and cousin, and I maybe visit them 3 or 4 times a year (and shower as soon as I come home). my cousin had a cig burning away in the ash tray, the ashes were an inch long, I said if you arent going to smoke that thing can you put it out, it stinks. she put it out. 5 mins later she lit another, but it was stupid for me to sit there inhaling it, if she wasnt smoking it.

I dont have any friends who smoke, and my aunt and cousin have never visited my house in 8 years, so no worry there.

My mother in law used to visit before she passed away and we used to make her go outside,could be -40 out side, and out she went, as I dont want that discusting stench on my furniture and curtains and things.NO ONE SMOKES IN MY HOUSE OR CAR!

[kimbey76]

some people are more sensitive to smoke than others, and depending on the size of the house and/or room that is being smoked in, along with how many cigarettes are being smoked I can see someone being affected by it in only a couple hours, does anyone remember when they used to allow smoking in bars and restaurants? I can remember blowing black stuff out of my nose after going out for an evening so if it is in your nose it is in your throat and lungs. As for the word 'hacking' my father is allergic to smoke and if he is around it at all he hacks, no exaggeration.
I think the idea of purchasing an air filtering machine or a smokeless ashtray, something along that idea, is a great one. Obviously it cant be good for them to breath in their own second hand smoke constantly either, even if they do smoke.

[Woofer]

those air machines are great

[tjfresh]

There's a BIG wall between MOM and I, because of this issue, she smokes and I hate it, but worst is she has a boyfriend that thinks he has MORE right to smoke than I have to breathe. (and there's more) long story short, I don't visit there and she RARELY comes to visit.It's terrible what the cigarette does to people, My motto is "your habit is smoking, my habit is spitting. don't smoke in my face and I won't spit in yours". LOL (never actually said that to anyone YET!) but it goes to show, you wouldn't like it if sombody were to spit in your face, so, if your a smoker, respect a non-smokers face.

PS did your ever notice thast alot of smokers seem to cough alot when they smoke? just a coincidence

This has been my two cents,

Tj

[Crystalbeach]

I smoked 2 pkgs a day for over 40 years...I've been quit now for seven years.
I had no idea all those years how bad everything smells..your clothes, your house, your hair...it's awful.

[subaru2222]

if you can read the post again ..trinity said older people and old people!
trinity get yourself prepared when they do come over!


seniors or elderlys maybe!!

my bad

[subaru2222]

Tsk,tsk,tsk, nasty nasty aren't we . hahahaha, You're funny. :rofl:
Thanks for reminding me to have a cigarette I almost forgot ...lol
As for "hacking" haven't had the displeasure , when I do then I'll quit , until then I will continue to smoke cigarettes.

You seem to be more upset by my reply to Trinity than Trinity is, And Nooooo I wasn't there at the alleged "hacking" ...lol But the way trinity said it , I felt that maybe she had over exaggerated somewhat .
And to react so quickly to cigarette smoke I would think maybe there is a medical issue there.
I did not call anyone a "liar" you're the only one that has used the word.
Subaru if you don't smoke then I suggest you start, it may calm you down a bit. hahaha

Put that in your pipe and smoke it....!

Trinity I surely do hope you are able to solve your dilemma.

I never called anyone a liar except maybe you but if the shoe fits.

And no I wont start to smoke but thanks for the offer I like my lungs to be as healthy as they can. I have more respect for my body and the people around me to smoke. Why would I spend money on something that stinks and is harmful for me? It really blows my mind that in this day and age and all the negative aspects of smoking people still do it? They even know all the negative things that come from smoking but ignore them. If something has 100% negative affects and zero positive affects then you would think people would drop it like a hot potato. I feel pity for those people I really do. But they will fight to their last breath to continue to smoke.

[subaru2222]

I smoked 2 pkgs a day for over 40 years...I've been quit now for seven years.
I had no idea all those years how bad everything smells..your clothes, your house, your hair...it's awful.

That quote just about sums it all up. But the smokers will still defend themself even though the proof is 100% they will still fight for their right to party I mean smoke.

[Lemme_LQQK]

Subaru, I thank you for the critical response , I really don't think I would have expected anything less from you. I noticed in a few of your other replies in other posts that you appear to be a very neg and rude individual at times.
But I guess it takes all kinds to make the world go round doesn't it...

Let me ask you this and I do hope you are truthful with your answer, remember when most if not all of isaintjohn peeps will be reading this, do you drink alcoholic beverages , or beer ,liquor in general?

If you do , then let me quote something you said in your reply to me "Why would I spend money on something that stinks and is harmful for me? "
Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black so to speak ?

But on the flip side of the coin, and you do not drink, then I say to you Excellent, and I tip my hat to you .

But in the mean time I will defend my right to smoke , in my own space , it doesn't make me a bad person. But there really is no call for the rude remarks that you and other "non smokers" make toward some smokers.
It is cruel and unfair to belittle and put someone down because you don't like what they do.

[vanessalynn5484]

Why are people so mean to smokers in general?
If you prick them do they not bleed? lol Seriously though the difference between a non smoker and a smoker is 1 cigg. You try it once and you can be hooked whether you know it or not. So if you are not burdened by an addiction than you are lucky. If you are I still respect you because an addiction can be just one piece of a huge puzzle and we all dabble in something that probably isn't good for us.

If you carry too much weight on your midsection your risk of early death and disease is about the same as a smokers.

I am not encouraging anything, just looking at it from a different point of view.

[subaru2222]

Subaru, I thank you for the critical response , I really don't think I would have expected anything less from you. I noticed in a few of your other replies in other posts that you appear to be a very neg and rude individual at times.
But I guess it takes all kinds to make the world go round doesn't it...

Let me ask you this and I do hope you are truthful with your answer, remember when most if not all of isaintjohn peeps will be reading this, do you drink alcoholic beverages , or beer ,liquor in general?

If you do , then let me quote something you said in your reply to me "Why would I spend money on something that stinks and is harmful for me? "
Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black so to speak ?

But on the flip side of the coin, and you do not drink, then I say to you Excellent, and I tip my hat to you .

But in the mean time I will defend my right to smoke , in my own space , it doesn't make me a bad person. But there really is no call for the rude remarks that you and other "non smokers" make toward some smokers.
It is cruel and unfair to belittle and put someone down because you don't like what they do.

I'm sorry if I come off as rude I really am not. I may make my points strong and it may seem that way so I am sorry to seem rude and offend anyone.

And no I do not drink.

You have 100% right to smoke, the only thing I say in my posts is the facts well most of the time:) Have you ever heard of tough love? Some times you have to tell it like it is to get the point across. We all know what smoking does but if we spell it out from time to time it may make people take a 2nd look at what they are doing. If it even makes one smoker think of quitting then all of our nasty and not so nasty post will be worth it.

[Lemme_LQQK]

Why are people so mean to smokers in general?
If you prick them do they not bleed? lol Seriously though the difference between a non smoker and a smoker is 1 cigg. You try it once and you can be hooked whether you know it or not. So if you are not burdened by an addiction than you are lucky. If you are I still respect you because an addiction can be just one piece of a huge puzzle and we all dabble in something that probably isn't good for us.

If you carry too much weight on your midsection your risk of early death and disease is about the same as a smokers.

I am not encouraging anything, just looking at it from a different point of view.


You know Vanessa , I have asked that very question many times and the only answer I could come up with each time is, there are so many "Bigoted" people out there. I know I'm going waaaaay out on a limb by using that word, but if one looks at the meaning of it, I think it fits ,as harsh as it sounds.

Bigoted;
biased, prejudiced, chauvinistic, dogmatic, intolerant, closed-minded, narrow-minded, opinionated, prejudiced, intolerant, illiberal.
Which I'm sure we have all been guilty of one time or another,some more than others...lol

I know I am going to pay dearly for using the word, lol .
I'm not pointing a finger at anyone , nor am I trying to get people in an uproar .
But as Subaru said " If the shoe fits.........

[vanessalynn5484]

Subaru, I have a question for you, was it you who posted that article a while back about the lady who finally quit smoking after years because she was working for the cancer society or something? If you still have the link to that article could you post it. I showed that to a friend who was trying to quit and it actually helped.

It is true that you state facts in your post, but sometimes people feel like they are being lectured. I appreciate your tough love stance, it's not popular being the "bad cop". I do not think you are bigoted, so to speak, and you do show the softer side to your opinions every once in a while. I guess I approach it from a "good cop" kind of way, which for me is more tune with the kind of person I am.

Maybe because my mom smokes, my grampy smoked, and so many other loved ones currently in my life all smoke. I smoked, sometimes I still want one of those PJ menthols. I know it's a cancer tube , but those chemicals taste an awful lot like a peppermint vacation sometimes. The nicotine is so powerful it could convince me that anything is worth it. It can be reaaaallly hard to pull yourself out of that.

All I would ask if that you have a little more compassion with understanding addictions and where they come from. I think if you did you would help your cause even more!

Lemme- you are entitled to your opinion and you did try and back it up, so I appreciate that. I do not quite agree, but respect where you are coming from.

[Lemme_LQQK]

Subaru ,may I quote a line of what you said ?

"I'm sorry if I come off as rude I really am not. I may make my points strong and it may seem that way so I am sorry to seem rude and offend anyone. "

Thank You for that.
It's a nice thing when "WE" all can take a step back , take a deep breath and be civil to one another ,well at least now and then ...lol

But for me personally I don't feel that by some people being harsh toward lets say to smokers , they are gaining any ground in the event of convincing people to stop smoking , I feel if anything smokers will do it more .

I do not drink either , I did when I was younger, then one day I didn't want to anymore. But at the same time I do not condem those that do, but I do agree with you though that smoking isn't good for anyone and it is very addictive , and maybe one day I will have more self control and stop. I think if I was given an emission test as they do with vehicles I know I wouldn';t pass...lol

[subaru2222]

"but those chemicals taste an awful lot like a peppermint vacation sometimes"


I fell off my chair when I read that well not really but it was funny as heck and sadly true:)


I want to put this on a t-shirt "I'm not prejudice I hate everybody equal"
Is that funny or wrong :)

[Lemme_LQQK]

Well to me it's neither funny nor wrong, but I do know this....If I seen you walking toward me in a mall or on the street and you were wearing that T-Shirt, I think I would take a wide birth around you so as not to do anything to tick you off. If that makes any sense....lol