The Incredible Vending Machine

[jdcb]

Ok, gonna restart this one...

The idea is you walk up to a vending machine. But this vending machine is special, you can insert anything you want, and you can get anything in the world back.

So what you do is you look at the post above yours to see what the person inserted, then you get to decide what they get back in return. After that, you get to insert something and wait for someone else to tell you what you get back...

Example: Person 1 inserts a busted lightbulb. Person 2 then tells person one what they receive in exchange for the light bulb, and inserts something them self. Then person three does the same, and so on...

I'll start...

I insert a high school yearbook

[GameGuy]

From the depths of the mighty iNcReDiBle VENDING machine...
You recieve: An invitation to a high school reunion.

I insert a Monopoly Board.

[jdcb]

You receive a Community Chest card giving you a bank error and $200. Unfortunately this is in Monopoly money.

I insert a bald monkey

[kaj27]

And then you go bald

I'm gonna toss in old peanut shells.

[ksbeckaa]

You put in peanut shells and get out a very large hungry elephant. I put the elephant back in ( who has room for an elephant)

[daneast]

:eek: you put in the elephant...out comes a peanut butter sandwich with a trunk of memories..I put in my resume:D

[jdcb]

you receive a rejection letter and a marriage proposal, stapled together...

I insert the peanut butter sandwich I found on the ground in front of the machine...

[daneast]

You get another vending machine of your very own... but it is empty except for a jam sandwich:confused: ...I put in my mother-in-law...:p

[jdcb]

you get a notice notifying you the proposal was from her, and she is released into your custody...

I put in my laundry

[dittydottie]

The laundry came out dirtier than it went in,so I put in my husband to see why that happened

[GameGuy]

Your husband came out with divorce papers in hand...on the plus side, he is now an amazing contortionist. (David Letterman wants to buy his story)

I put a box of chocolate covered cherries into "The Incredible Vending Machine".

[ksbeckaa]

You put in a box of chocolates and got a politician looking for votes. I put in an empty police car.

[jdcb]

Out jumps an officer to arrest you for stealing the police car...

I insert $20

[oldnugly]

you get an all expense paid trip to the land of miss-fit toys. i will put in a may 1997 issue of martha stewart living. ( the one with the growing euphorbias article )

[jdcb]

you receive a free subscription to an anti martha stewart website or your choice...

I insert the dead pigeon that flew into the office window across the street...

[ksbeckaa]

You insert the dead pigeon and get a bucket of KFC's finest. I insert a diamond ring .

[oldnugly]

mmmmmmm...squab. you recieve a well balanced diet. ill put in a badger and let me tell you im glad to see it go.

[GameGuy]

You get a bite in the arse as you walk away (from the badger, hes mad as hell...)

I put in a yellow 4 sided dice. (die)

[oldnugly]

the machine eats the KFP rolls the die accepts the ring and throws a party..... there. now i will throw in a potato stamp of a sock.

[daneast]

Out comes a real sock full of coal, and a note saying "you've been a baaaad boy! "...I put in a glass of rum and egg nog topped with whipped cream...

[yoston11]

you wake up in PEI fighting over ann of green gables with a potatoe farmer with 3 teeth swinging a pitchfork at you.
I put in a micheal jackson zipper jacket

[daneast]

out comes a can of Michael's famous "pop" , a monkey and a hyperbolic chamber with Lisa Marie Presley in it...I drink the pop, cut a duet with Lisa and put the monkey back in...

[ksbeckaa]

You put in a glass of rum and egg nog and out comes Santa, red faced and slurring his words.

I put in 500 spam emails regarding viagra.

[ksbeckaa]

Oops out of context,
You put the monkey back in and out comes a Dorthy from the wizard of oz, holding a pair of monkey wings.

I take the wings and put them back in.

[dittydottie]

Shame on you out came Santa drunk ; so i but in a pot of hot coffee to sober up his elves(they got into the eggnog too lol)

[daneast]

Out comes a flying blue "spam man" clicking his heels and saying ,repeatingly,.."theres no place like home" and chasing all the birds...

I take a deep breath and put in an old April Wine 8-track.:D

[jdcb]

You receive a new converable car, where the radio only plays that track...

I put in my old baseball cap...

[daneast]

Out pops Babe Ruth mumbling something about a candy bar and not getting royalties...

I slowly feed in 25 strands of overcooked spaggetti....:cool:

[jdcb]

you receive 26 strands of overcooked spaggetti in return...

I insert an old flat tire.

[daneast]

:( Out comes $250,000 in....rubber toonies.

:) I put in a 1960 JFK political speech...

[jdcb]

you receive a jfk documentary, and get your name put on the watch list...

I insert the licence plate off of a fire truck

[daneast]

;) From the shuddering bowels of the great vending machine comes a prisoner from a USA prison with 500 license plates...

:rolleyes: I put in a pink slip for a 1968 Camero

[ksbeckaa]

Out comes the camero with two drug dealers inside. I put them back into the machine with a note for their mothers.

[daneast]

:o Out comes their mothers with a bad attitude and a suitcase full of money...

I put in the mothers..keep the money

[oldnugly]

you get a cassette titled troy craig and the dregs. ill put in my left leg and shake it all about........does that sound to hokey?

[ksbeckaa]

you put in your left leg, and get a pair of shoes back. I toss in the left shoe since you wont be needing it.

[daneast]

:eek: In goes the left shoe..out comes Mr Bojangles softly shuffling and crying about how after 20 years his dog up and died..

I toss in his hanky... wet with old man tears...:(

[ksbeckaa]

You toss in a hanky wet with tears and get a long lost love letter for someone that had been lost behind a cabinet at canada post for 30 years. I toss that letter in with correct postage.

[daneast]

:rolleyes: In goes the letter..out comes a Canada Post worker who went "postal"...twiddling his thumbs and whistling a Celine Dion song...with eyes closed...

I put in his carry bag...:p

[ksbeckaa]

You put in the Canada Post guys bag and get out cookies your grandmother sent to you in summer camp....20 years ago.

I put in a baby picture of George Bush, on a bear skin rug....

[yoston11]

george was naked so out pops a police man, confiscates your computer, he puts you in the machine

[ksbeckaa]

I bounce back out of the machine, pleading my innocence, and put in one lawyer.

[oldnugly]

the machine gets tired and confused by lawyer talk. shuts down and gives you nothing. dont be scared this game isnt over yet. im going to throw in a geek

[ksbeckaa]

You throw in a geek, and get a free invitation to a combination chess/dungeons and dragons game.

I toss in last years fruitcake.

[jdcb]

you threw in a year old fruitcake last year too, you get it back...

I throw in a diamond ring...

[oldnugly]

the machine accepted a ring in an earlier post so you get a lets just be friends speech. ill throw in a wrench.. mwa ha ha.

[daneast]

:mad: out comes a naked Stephen Harper on a seal skin rug...

I put in 4 cabinet members and a lawyer...:cool:

[jdcb]

You get a bill of repair for messing up the Incredible Vending Machine.

I put in my computer

[oldnugly]

ewww...i will never put any more wrenches into the machine...if we can get the machine to keep all the lawyers and cabinet members in...it would be a good start. you get a thank you note from one of harpers closet skeletons. ill put in some maple syrup.

[jdcb]

you receive some maple candies...

I put in a pound of sugar

[ksbeckaa]

You put in a pound of sugar and get three pounds of yummy fudge. I put in my old and cranky siamese cat

[jdcb]

you receive a 3 legged, short tailed, one eared, blind, deaf, bulldog...

I put in my airsoft gun...

[ksbeckaa]

You put in your airsoft gun and get three spent chambers from a Glock 9 and some official looking men with FBI written on their coats.

I put in the contractor who's making a mess in my house today

[daneast]

Out jumps Mike Holmes(Holmes on Homes) and fixes your house, drinks a few beer and makes a pass at you..

I put in my boss...

[jdcb]

You get a pink slip from work...

I put in my cat...

[daneast]

You get a very angry rat as big as a cat..

I put in my wifes best homemade bread..

[jdcb]

You receive a copy of a video showing you giving away her best cooking along with a note to pay up or your wife gets a copy too...

I put in halve a shoe that the rat ate...

[daneast]

out comes a Greenpeace activist and protests you day and night for having real leather in your shoes...(poor cows)..:(


:D I put in a faux fur hat used in the Calgary Stampede...

[jdcb]

out comes a real fur hat, just for you...

i put in halve a bottle of coke...

[daneast]

out comes Michael Jackson promoting Pepsi with his hair on fire...

I put in a fire extinguisher...

[christine chittick]

you get a lifetime of Michael Jackson concert tickets.

I will toss in the air compressor down in the basement under my bedroom that my boyfriend keeps forgetting to shut off and comes on in the middle of the nite and scares the crap outta me!

[GameGuy]

From the depths of the In-CrED-ib-lE vending machine,
You are rewarded with a snazy set of nag resistant, faux fur lined ear muffs.
(rated at -17 Cel.)

I stick a used piece of chewing gum on the door to the machine and jamb it closed.

[devils_advocat1]

machine unjams itself and sucks in the gum regurgitating your boss

i'll put my black belt from karate in there

[daneast]

out comes Bruce Lee and opens a can of whoop a$$ on you...

I put in an old Cheez & Chong record..

[oldnugly]

out comes a BIG puufff of smoke. i jump into the machine just incase rae dawn is in there whith her dad.

[ksbeckaa]

You jump into the machine and get a letter out that says " Next time, remember that the machine is vegitarian"

I put in all the apples that have gone bad in my fruit draw.

[daneast]

:D Out jumps Johnny Appleseed and starts a Granny Smith grove in your carpet...

I put in a copy of "Kramer" during his racist tirade and Mel Gibson's anti-sementic dialogue...:cool:

[christine chittick]

out jumps andy dick repeating the same slur as Kramer "just trying to make a joke out of it" and later realizes he isnt any better!

i throw in my barking, marking, poop machine dog LOL

[oldnugly]

you recieve a gold plated poop scoop a life time supply of plastic bags some ear plugs and whatever helps you with " marking ". i will put in a peg board with tool outlines on it.

[jdcb]

you receive a really nice power drill, but now you have no pegboard...

I put in my broken ear phones

[devils_advocat1]

Into the abyss of The Incredible Vending Machine go the broken earphones, out comes a live band of your choice playing the worst music you ever heard.

in goes my coffee mug

[daneast]

Out come jaun valdez screaming "Please hide me !!"

I put in his donkey...

[christine chittick]

the donkey jumps back out kicks you in the butt because you jammed his ear in the vending machine hatch.

i throw in my van.

[daneast]

out jumps Cheez and Chong.."who ate my baloney..man?"

I chuck in a bottle of 50 yr old JD

[oldnugly]

dan just realized that i was posing as a vending machine....and as im running away with dans wikky i throw a bible into the very angry machine.

[GameGuy]

...Out pops a $500.00 fine for illegal impersonation. Cheaper to just buy your own bottle next time.

I throw in a bottle of mixed pills to calm the Vending machine down.
(Diazepam, Prozac and a few Viagra just in case)

[christine chittick]

Poor vending machine... all mellowed out w/o a care in the world.

....guess u can have a 500.00 fine back for giving out prescription drugs to someone who were not prescribed.

i throw in the apples that went bad right after i bought them!

[devils_advocat1]

out pops an apple pie made of rotten apples

i toss my boss into the machine...and then hide just in case the boss comes back out

[orange]

Out pops Bill Gates, wondering what he's doing there

I toss in a pop-tart (strawberry flavoured, with icing on top)

[daneast]

out comes 4 gallons of the best strawberry wine....

I put in my left foot and shake it all about..

[christine chittick]

i get out the 4 gallons of the best strawberry wine, give you your left foot back as a gift for the wine lol, and i throw in some macaroni & tomatoes w/ hamburg yum!

[daneast]

out pops a cow missing his left back leg and an evil smirk across his tomato covered face..chewing macaroni..

I put in a grenade that is actually a cig lighter...

[jdcb]

you receive one live grenade. As soon as you touch it the pin goes flying, when you try to throw it you realize it's covered in super glue...

I put in my empty Snapple Lemon Ice Tea bottles...

[spolik]

you receive 1.60 for the redemption even though you paid 3.20 deposit on them


i insert my tin of texas hold'em poker chips

[jdcb]

you receive a gold bracelet that was put in the lost and found, with poker chips going in, machine thought it must be yours.

I put in some rubber bands

[spolik]

for your rubber bands you get $1000 in 5 dollar bill with your band around them :) yahoooooo
i put in a pair of blue latex gloves

[jonah]

for your rubber gloves you recieve a doctor wearing them and decides to give you a random prostate exam.

I put in a box of tissues left over from the prostate examination

[spolik]

for your box of tissues you get sick for one week with diarrhea, good thing ya got tissues:)


i put in one empty beer bottle

[devils_advocat1]

you get a nickle for your bottle.

i put in a flask of rum

[spolik]

for you rum flask you get a great night sleep with the ingredients to make a
Night Cap

2 oz Light Rum
1 tsp Powdered Sugar
Warm Milk
Put rum and sugar in a mug,. Fill with warm milk and stir. Sprinkle nutmeg on top.

i put in my sleeping bag

[jonah]

your sleeping bag gets tossed back out at you. good thing because then you pass out.......

I put in my crappy computer speakers

[jdcb]

you receive brand new speakers, from the dollar store...

I put in the 'lone sock' that always turns up whenever I do the laundry.

[jonah]

your "lone sock" turns into a ticket for a free week of "Molly Maid" service and a free fruit ****tail. Your maid is your ex-girlfriend who steals all your stuff and the fruit gives you hepititis b...congrats

I put in my soul......:)

[spolik]

for your soul you get free credits for all the bad things you did , so from now on you;ll have no soul to redeem for credits, so ya better be good ;p

i put in an old 8 track player with 8-track cassettes

[jdcb]

you receive an Atari...

I put in expired hockey tickets...

[Lovinmy2girls]

You receive an statue of a frog holding an upright bass.

I put in a Blues Clues Music Maker book.

[jdcb]

you receive a pack of expired batteries...

I put in old stamps

[devils_advocat1]

you get back all the letters you have ever mailed out to ppl unopened with rejection stamps on them and a supena to court for overloading the mail system with a bunch of spam.

i put in my kid brother

[jdcb]

you get back a teenage kid sister...

I put in my next winning sea dogs tickets...

[spolik]

for your tickets you get free movies from blockbuster

i put in empty spindle cd holder

[jonah]

for your spindle you recieve the full Beck cd collection

i put in my empty tag bodyshots canister

[Lovinmy2girls]

For your empty tag bodyshots canister (which quite frankly I have no idea what it is - and am very willing to trade!)

I put in a pair of girls boots that LIGHT UP!! This is a hard thing to say "bye" to.

[jonah]

for your LIGHT UP boots you recieve old rechargable batteries which are almost dead but have a warranty on them still.

I put in my old dirty rag which I just used to clean knives

[adm]

You put in you old dirty rag which you just used to clean knives and you receive some dishwasher soap. :biggrin:

I put in my old Pong game :cool:

[spolik]

for your pong game you get a ps3
i put in a sudoku keychain game

[Lovinmy2girls]

For your sudoku keychain game you get a broken cell phone

I put in a noisy dog (careful when taking him out...I don't think he likes it in there)

[adm]

Your noisy dog produces an indignant cat.

I put in a universal remote control

[spolik]

for your universal remote you get to travel through time and go back in time and bust the remote and there are no parts to fix it!!

i put in empty toilet paper roll that is always still in the holder and never refilled :(

[adm]

Your empty toilet paper roll renders some anti-bacterial soap (sounds like you might need it) :eek:

I put in an automatic toilet seat (the one that lowers itself 'cause it never gets put down!) :rolleyes:

[ksbeckaa]

You get out the mechanism that prevents the tolilet seat from snapping down at the wrong time.

I put in my heat rebate ( they call that a rebate??)

[jdcb]

you get back a $5 off cupon for an all you can eat chickenwing/shrimp dinner at a restaurant that doesn't have a location within 800km...

I put in my dirty dishes...

[masterflex1]

they comeback smashed from your wife finding you were sleeping with her sister

i insert sweaty gym socks with jockstrap

[jdcb]

They come back clean, or so you think. Your wife laced them with poison ivy for sleeping with my wifes sister...

I put in a cordless phone with a dead battery...

[Godfather]

I noticed the phone doesn't work, replace the battery and phone 911 cause Jdcb's wife is about to kill Masterflex for sleeping with Jdcb's wife's sister then I call the International Society against Poison Ivy from Having a Level 5 Epidemic Outbreak of "Jock Ivy" which could devistate the NHLPA completely. Then I keep the phone :)

I throw out a Playboy book from 1965 into "the incredible vending Machine".

[vwman]

I sell the playboy book on Ebay.uk fro $20 000 and you recive the money

I put in a rottin chicken

[devils_advocat1]

you get a carton of rotten eggs for your rotten chicken

i put in the keys to my piece of junk merc sable hopiong that the vending machine will take the car too.

[sunnyd]

You get an expired ticket for a draw on a 2008 Dodge Challenger


I throw in an old rogers cel phone

[Godfather]

Devils Advocat throws away the expired ticket for the Challenger, SunnyD ends up picking it up and keeping it, the cell phone rings and it turns out the ticket that was expired that belong to Devils advocat is still valid and SunnyD ends up winning the 2008 Dodge Challenger, GRATZ, You end up being on a TV show to be awarded the prize, Wine flows and 2 Supermodels take pictures with you next to your new 2008 Dodge, THEN.....................

I grab SunnyD and throw him into the vending machine. LOL.

[sunnyd]

Vending Machine says insert more (insuff funds) spits out sunnyd

Sunnyd Gives GodFather the 2008 dodge Challenger for having a great sense of humor

I throw in an old 8 track tape player

[tigerpaw]

The 8 track player starts to play old dolly parton songs and spontaniously combusts. Tigerpaw throws in his Grandfathers antique toe nail clippers.:(

[Krash]

and in return you receive an antique Indian rubber ball"YAY!!" you scream with delight.

i put in my led zeppelin box set(then realize that its not a jukebox at all. and i can get them back)

[GameGuy]

The vending machine starts smoking pot and eating all the bags of chips and stale nutbars it holds behind the dirty glass window.

I toss in a pillow so it can get a good nights sleep once the food is gone.

[Krash]

the vending machine eats your pillow after taking a hit of acid.(he thingks its a sheep)

i throw in some industrial strength adhesive glue and a paper bag.lol:P

[inepteye]

you receive a hammer and nails...

i throw in a paintball gun

[jdcb]

you receive Dr Phil's weightloss book...

I put in my windows 3.1 disks...

[Krash]

it crashes within seconds of being plugged in and takes everybodys money and still wont work

i throw in :ways to make money quick, book by bill gates

[ksbeckaa]

You throw in bill gates book, out pops a smashed Apple computer.

I put in a bag of green peppers

[Krash]

the vendng machine turns into martha stuart and starts running after little children but then goes to jail and turns back into a vending machine.

i throw in ome potato vodka i made in the toilet in my cell.

[x0super_girl10x]

you throw in potato vodka, and out pops a drunken hobo.
i insert a a superman comic...

[ksbeckaa]

Superman stumbles out, throws up on your shoes and passes out. I throw in everything I can find with Shrek on it.

[Ti10]

Superman stumbles out, throws up on your shoes and passes out. I throw in everything I can find with Shrek on it.

Out comes a toilet bowl with green diahrea in it. I throw in a pint of blood.

[FutureChief88]

You get aids..

I throw in a world of warcraft game card...

[dally]

Out comes an evil monkey demon midget with a sword that trys to kill you while making burning stinky gas blowing out of his rear end. you jump nearly getting killed and he falls back in...

[FutureChief88]

The stench of the evil monkey demon midget drives all previous things out of the Vending Machine ..

I throw in Chuck Norris..

[ksbeckaa]

Out comes a pair of very sweaty gym socks.

I throw in one pound of puppy poo

[FutureChief88]

Oooopsss... Mudslide!

I throw in a Bottle of Hand Sanitizer.

[lizard_lover]

And you receive a stamp saying you will never have to shower again, and it sprays hand sanitizer all over you, including in your eyes.

I insert my pet turtle

[ksbeckaa]

out pops some turtles chocolates that have a funny reptile smell to them.

I toss in the christmas turkey

[FutureChief88]

Out pops a Bird and some Skin.. Ewww... this cold be bad..

I throw in a Computer Chair

[ksbeckaa]

out pops the evil monkey midget sitting on your chair spinning and farting, spinning and farting.

I throw in the reciept from Walmart

[rhiley_08j]

you get a recording of that annoying guy saying "go to 2, go to 2",
I throw in a loaded gun....

[FutureChief88]

You get shot in the Head..


I throw in a Water bottle

[ksbeckaa]

you get 5 cents back

I throw in my mother in law

[FutureChief88]

WOW Malfunction.. and for some reason a Bunch of squaking Crows come flying at you..

i throw a bag of Teddy Grahams in.. Honey Flavored! lol

[lizard_lover]

You have a swarm of bees come buzzing at you looking for more

I throw in the clump of hair you get from your shower drain...

[rhiley_08j]

the clump of hair lands in spiders coffee;)
I throw in Spider...

[FutureChief88]

You have a swarm of bees come buzzing at you looking for more

I throw in the clump of hair you get from your shower drain...


Your bald father gets a new Do..

I throw in a fluorescent light.

[rhiley_08j]

...

[Duffy]

Your bald father gets a new Do..

I throw in a fluorescent light.

You get a bucket of mercury.

I insert my property tax bill.

[rhiley_08j]

Out comes the mayor, introducing higher property tax.
I throw in an irate postal worker....

[FutureChief88]

STRIKE!
Wtg Rhiley..lol

I throw in EI slips..

[jennifer25ca2006]

You get a nice hefty cheque of $500

I throw in shoes

[dianne_101]

Out comes a pair of Nike Shox that make you jump higher than before..

i throw in your mother

[ksbeckaa]

Out comes a bar of Zest Soap and instructions on how to stop swearing. I throw in my husband

[jennifer25ca2006]

Out comes a bar of Zest Soap and instructions on how to stop swearing. I throw in my husband

He cheats on you with me lol.


Out comes my kitty.

[ksbeckaa]

you can keep him

[jennifer25ca2006]

you can keep him

LMFAO no thanks.

[FutureChief88]

I throw in a Belt!

[sanstu]

You throw in a belt and out comes a beautiful( and very expensive) pair of designer jeans, size 0.

I throw in my son's smelly hockey gear.

[FutureChief88]

You get a bottle of Javex.. and Martha Stewart (to show you haow to remove those nasty smells for good) LOL

I throw in an empty party mix chip bag..

[rhiley_08j]

You get a Richard Simmons Sweatin to the oldies tape...
I throw in a nice warm apple crisp...mmm...

[ksbeckaa]

You get an empty dish and a thank you note. I throw in yesterdays newspaper

[chevybeerman]

You get a paper mashee bird.I throw in A handfull of random cords

[rhiley_08j]

Out comes a book on how to hang yourself with cords...
I throw in a big purple barney...

[FutureChief88]

You get extremly jolly and for some reason .. Love to be around little children! Odd,....

I throw in headphones.