View Full Version : Being Harassed by my childrens Father
Ok im running out of ideas once i finally get away from him and get a new man who treats me and my kids like gold he stalks me and calls 40 times a day easy.. and then trys to get my new man "Jumped" by him and all his friends and threatens to take my kids away from me and just the unbelieveable !! somethings i cant even type on here !!
we were together for 4 years and he did nothing but abuse me and my kids!! I tried to get away so many times in the 4 years and once i finally get away its like everything is getting worse! i call the cops but nothing happens !! And he lies hes such a GOOD LIER ! he calls them on me with some crazy story that isnt even true and its not just him its his whole family !! they all want him to take my kids and they all said they will lie for him in court and its just not real to me its like this crap is out of a movie or something like how can it happen to me im going out of my mind im on medication now and i just need to know what else i can do i just want it to end im getting my # changed today but .. i dont know i just need some advice
amethyst
03-14-2007, 09:48 AM
get a notebook and keep track of every single thing he does. dates times etc. Then get yourself a restraining order.
He's a control freak..that's why it's getting worse...your no longer under his thumb and it's driving him crazy.
yeah it scares me big time , for the 4 years i was with him , i wasnt even allowed to leave my house , call my mother talk to any of my family or even go to the corner store !! it was terrible his father is the same way to his mother and same with his grandfather hes very sick in the head and the things he did to me its just things you wouldnt even believe i just wish i would have done something when it started
Smash
03-14-2007, 09:55 AM
If anything, make sure that you keep track of everything that's happening. Write everything down if you have to. Why wont the police do anything? That is ridiculous!!! You may want to call Hestia House and find out what rights you have, I know that you arent in the relationship anymore, but they have lots of experience with that type of situation and they will know what you should do to protect yourself, your kids, and your boyfriend. (634-7570) Unfortunately, it sounds like the police want to wait until he does something to really hurt someone before they will do anything. :mad:
Hang in there, and let me know how you make out. :)
space
03-14-2007, 09:55 AM
Ok im running out of ideas once i finally get away from him and get a new man who treats me and my kids like gold he stalks me and calls 40 times a day easy.. and then trys to get my new man "Jumped" by him and all his friends and threatens to take my kids away from me and just the unbelieveable !! somethings i cant even type on here !!
we were together for 4 years and he did nothing but abuse me and my kids!! I tried to get away so many times in the 4 years and once i finally get away its like everything is getting worse! i call the cops but nothing happens !! And he lies hes such a GOOD LIER ! he calls them on me with some crazy story that isnt even true and its not just him its his whole family !! they all want him to take my kids and they all said they will lie for him in court and its just not real to me its like this crap is out of a movie or something like how can it happen to me im going out of my mind im on medication now and i just need to know what else i can do i just want it to end im getting my # changed today but .. i dont know i just need some advice
I can't relly help you cuz you only post your side of the story. you tried 4 years to get away from him? don't think I will beleive that!
Mandi
03-14-2007, 10:01 AM
yeah it scares me big time , for the 4 years i was with him , i wasnt even allowed to leave my house , call my mother talk to any of my family or even go to the corner store !! it was terrible his father is the same way to his mother and same with his grandfather hes very sick in the head and the things he did to me its just things you wouldnt even believe i just wish i would have done something when it started
That sounds EXACTLY like my mother and father, only it took her much much longer to get out of that situation... I can't help but notice that someone said they won't believe that you tried to get away, but they don't undesrtand. After being called a slut so many times for putting on lipgloss when you go out, you're told you're stupid every single day and that no one wants you... you believe it. I really feel for your situation... Have you gone to court to apply for full custody? Does he have a documented violent past? if so, capitalize on that. don't hold Anything back. Go to social services and tell them everything he has done to you and your children. I am so sorry for your situation and hope it improves. It really breaks my heart that some people turn abusive situations around to try to make the abused look badly. best of luck.
Smash
03-14-2007, 10:07 AM
I can't relly help you cuz you only post your side of the story. you tried 4 years to get away from him? don't think I will beleive that!
Why dont you believe that? Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? You must have been, and you must have thought it was a breeze to get out of it... wake up, it is very clear that this guy is definately a control freak! I really dont think that she has any reason to post on here and not tell the truth... Come on!
space
03-14-2007, 10:16 AM
it only took my ex girlfriend 1 year and 2months to leave me after the child was born. I didnt try to stop her as she was old enough to leave. and if I did tried to stop her she will then have the police there to have me removed from the home. my daughter mother trying so hard over the years to eliminate me from my daughters life. we been separated since 1993 and we are still battling
Yeah i really made it up !! whatever i couldnt get away from him just last sunday he sat infront of my house for 12 hours looking in my windows and thats not the 1st time he has done that !! but i just called the cops again im going uptown now ill let yas know what happens
Smash
03-14-2007, 10:49 AM
it only took my ex girlfriend 1 year and 2months to leave me after the child was born. I didnt try to stop her as she was old enough to leave. and if I did tried to stop her she will then have the police there to have me removed from the home. my daughter mother trying so hard over the years to eliminate me from my daughters life. we been separated since 1993 and we are still battling
The difference is probably that you werent abusive to your ex.... This guy is obviously messed up and didnt want her to leave. There is a huge difference.
he controlled me , everytime i would leave i wouldnt be able to leave my house because he would be waiting outside for me he would beat me infront of my kids , there was even a report made by my 4 year old son because he told his teacher about him hitting him on the face and his ear was purple but it got thrown out because he denied it but im starting to beleive it happened im just so out of it right now theres just so much going on he has girls calling me , hes calling me and calling me names and threating me and etc!! im going to talk to someone tomorrow who deals with this kind of thing i called a social worker shes going to help me out thank god bcause im terrified !
matthew6992
03-14-2007, 11:21 AM
megz i understand i have been there with my ex husband hang in there though he will stop i cant say when it took mine two years then he left the city but came back tried to ruin my life then left again after he seen it would not work some men are this way mine was i have three kids and life was (sh!!ty with him )i was young and foolish i put up with alot for 13 years i called the police and so on and so on after the break up i am so glad it is over now the only thing is he turned in to a dead beat father which is hard on the kids who ever they are but i guess i would rather have it that way then them watch him as a role model not a good one my thoughts are with you
And im not taking my kids from him , he can visit or take them to his mothers whenever he wants as long as someone is with him when the kids are there i never once said he could not see them , thats their father even if he is an idiot he still made them and they have a right
space
03-14-2007, 12:22 PM
And im not taking my kids from him , he can visit or take them to his mothers whenever he wants as long as someone is with him when the kids are there i never once said he could not see them , thats their father even if he is an idiot he still made them and they have a right
thats the niceses thing I heard In a long time.. especially to an idiot..lol
I was never an idiot to my e\x but I wish my ex would say the same thing to me and not to treat me like dirt when it comes to visiting my daughter.
what are you talking about?
space
03-14-2007, 12:34 PM
what are you talking about?
Im saying that it was nice of you not keeping the kids away from their father. especially that he was an idiot. I was no idiot to my ex gf but she keeps denying me vistations with my daughter and try to have me out of my daughter life.
Mandi
03-14-2007, 12:56 PM
Im saying that it was nice of you not keeping the kids away from their father. especially that he was an idiot. I was no idiot to my ex gf but she keeps denying me vistations with my daughter and try to have me out of my daughter life.
hrm... that's only 'one side of the story'
Megs you're a bigger person than I could ever be. The way I see it, sperm doners aren't allowed to see their 'spawn' and it sounds like this man has done nothing for you or your children but cause hardship. In itself that you would still grant him supervised visitation says you're the bigger person in the relationship. Harassment like that shouldn't be allowed to happen. I'm so sorry for you and your son, it's heart breaking to hear a four year old say his daddy hit him. One of my friends nephews had a crappy dad, and he said once 'My daddy broke my house' I think he was 3 or 4 at the time, but his daddy did break everything in his house, and it obviously had an impact on him to see his daddy do that.
Smash
03-14-2007, 01:17 PM
Im saying that it was nice of you not keeping the kids away from their father. especially that he was an idiot. I was no idiot to my ex gf but she keeps denying me vistations with my daughter and try to have me out of my daughter life.
Sorry to hear space that your ex g/f doesnt let you see your daughter. Unfortunately, there are problems with the system when one parent has complete control of the other parents ability to see the children. Some parents use that to get back at the ex for something. I think that as long as the parent is fit, loving, caring etc.... they should have every right to visit with the kids as often as possible. Its obviously best for the child to have a relationship with both parents when possible. Any parent who holds back visitation rights for any reason other than the well-being of the child is obviously NOT looking out for their best interest. It's sad, but happens... I dont think that this is the case with Megz though, she is definately the better person in that relationship. In your case though, it sounds as if your ex is just being vindictive... Good luck and I hope things change for the best.
SaskSask
03-14-2007, 01:50 PM
Space sry to hear about your situation....but im not sure I can believe it. As I haven't heard the other side of the story =-/
space
03-14-2007, 01:58 PM
Space sry to hear about your situation....but im not sure I can believe it. As I haven't heard the other side of the story =-/
hahaha your funny
lovingmom
03-14-2007, 03:14 PM
yes there are two sides to every story and you can bet your bottom dollar that the other side will be totally different than spaces side.No two sides are ever the same in situations like this.We,the lucky people who arent nor ever have been in a situation like Spaces need to count our blessings.I have been married now for almost 29 years to the best man in the world.My heart goes out to Space and to all the other woman and yes men who are in abusive situations.
No one can understand,yes we can say we do but unless we have been or are in that type of situation we have no idea what its like.It may take 1 day,1 year or many years to get away from the abuser.
And one more thing,who has the right to say weather we believe their story or not? Space you have my prayers and my concern and always know that there are people out there who will help you and never judge you.God Bless
TerryAndBlake
03-14-2007, 03:34 PM
Megz:
This is definately about control, although I am surprised that he hasn't moved onto his next victim...he is obviously persistent in his obsession with you....this is extremely serious. Amethyst is right in telling you to document dates and times that the harassment is taking place. If at all possible, record your phone messages, and borrow/rent a video camera to document times that he does anything volatile or inappropriate while on your property. Do not call him or communicate with him unless absolutely necessary and when or if it is, have a witness present whenever possible. If he is doing anything to jeopardize you or your children in ANY way, call the police and file a complaint, as many times as is necessary. It is your right to feel safe and this is put on record with the police department.
Contact family services and see if it is feasible to set up a mediator, someone who can act as a buffer between you and your ex and a neutral (safe) place where you can drop the kids off and he can pick them up without coming into contact with you. If he has a history of violence and has been deviant in any way with both you and your children and you still feel it appropriate for him to see the children then I would keep close watch of anything unusual....If he was abusive and sick to you, I would be concerned that the same pattern will be repeated with your children.....always be conscious of bruises, change in appetite, whining or if they are resisting going to see their father. Keep the lines of communication open with the kids. Petition for a restraining order. You can have a police officer take a statement and they will assist you in the process. Once he realizes that you can no longer be a victim and that you have narrowed the opening to which he can get to you, he may tire of it....or at least I hope for your sake and the sake of the children....
Lastly, anyone can "make" a child, not everyone should be allowed to have them.....Your ex, although I do not know him or all the facts, may fit this category.
hrm... that's only 'one side of the story'
Megs you're a bigger person than I could ever be. The way I see it, sperm doners aren't allowed to see their 'spawn' and it sounds like this man has done nothing for you or your children but cause hardship. In itself that you would still grant him supervised visitation says you're the bigger person in the relationship. Harassment like that shouldn't be allowed to happen. I'm so sorry for you and your son, it's heart breaking to hear a four year old say his daddy hit him. One of my friends nephews had a crappy dad, and he said once 'My daddy broke my house' I think he was 3 or 4 at the time, but his daddy did break everything in his house, and it obviously had an impact on him to see his daddy do that.
well they have seen him everyday of their life so i just cant take that away from him i mean he does get agressive with them and doesnt have patiences at all but supervised with his mother there i trust her being there , and that nothing bad will happen i cant take their father away , i just hope he gets help
Mandi
03-14-2007, 03:38 PM
I have been married now for almost 29 years to the best man in the world.
Space is the one who first said they can't help the poor girl who started the thread because he 'couldn't believe' that it took her 4 years to get away from an abusive partner....
And you best have a talk with your hubby, cuz he's cheating on you... I know this because I have the best man in the whole world.:rofl:
hahaha your funny
that 2 sides of the story thing is stupid .. i dont lie so its whatever i have police reports and etc..
Megz:
This is definately about control, although I am surprised that he hasn't moved onto his next victim...he is obviously persistent in his obsession with you....this is extremely serious. Amethyst is right in telling you to document dates and times that the harassment is taking place. If at all possible, record your phone messages, and borrow/rent a video camera to document times that he does anything volatile or inappropriate while on your property. Do not call him or communicate with him unless absolutely necessary and when or if it is, have a witness present whenever possible. If he is doing anything to jeopardize you or your children in ANY way, call the police and file a complaint, as many times as is necessary. It is your right to feel safe and this is put on record with the police department.
Contact family services and see if it is feasible to set up a mediator, someone who can act as a buffer between you and your ex and a neutral (safe) place where you can drop the kids off and he can pick them up without coming into contact with you. If he has a history of violence and has been deviant in any way with both you and your children and you still feel it appropriate for him to see the children then I would keep close watch of anything unusual....If he was abusive and sick to you, I would be concerned that the same pattern will be repeated with your children.....always be conscious of bruises, change in appetite, whining or if they are resisting going to see their father. Keep the lines of communication open with the kids. Petition for a restraining order. You can have a police officer take a statement and they will assist you in the process. Once he realizes that you can no longer be a victim and that you have narrowed the opening to which he can get to you, he may tire of it....or at least I hope for your sake and the sake of the children....
Lastly, anyone can "make" a child, not everyone should be allowed to have them.....Your ex, although I do not know him or all the facts, may fit this category.
the cops told me today there is no such thing as a restraining order in canada i was like what!!!:eek: why not it doesnt make sense !! im charging him with assult and harrassment , and i contacted my lawyer and im going to have a meeting on friday and i've gotten a social worker as well i dont care what i have to to do ill do it , to prove im an awsome mom my kids mean the world to me and i cant even believe he wants to take them away from me he said he wants full rights and ME HAVE THE VISITATION RIGHTS.... i dont think so .. hes called me 20 times since 1:30.... and he asked me to go out for coffee with him !! and told me he still loves me , but he has a date this weekend , and also had one last night hes sleeping with a lot of girls from what his mother told me and from what they tell me !! im just getting sick of hearing his name , i wonder how many kids hes going to have i cant believe he is doing that to himself !
Space is the one who first said they can't help the poor girl who started the thread because he 'couldn't believe' that it took her 4 years to get away from an abusive partner....
And you best have a talk with your hubby, cuz he's cheating on you... I know this because I have the best man in the whole world.:rofl:
i dont care what anyone says it took me a while , a long time !! too freaking long to leave him i should have done it years ago but i was weak and he would do things to make it impossible ! i cant even begin to tell you what hes done to me he should be in jail
Mandi
03-14-2007, 04:01 PM
i dont care what anyone says it took me a while , a long time !! too freaking long to leave him i should have done it years ago but i was weak and he would do things to make it impossible ! i cant even begin to tell you what hes done to me he should be in jail
He made things impossible for you to leave? HOW on earth does that make you weak? my mother stayed with my father 18 years, and I think she's one of the strongest peolpe in the whole word. just getting yourself out of that situation makes you strong, don't ever think otherwise.
TerryAndBlake
03-14-2007, 04:04 PM
we were together for 4 years and he did nothing but abuse me and my kids!! I tried to get away so many times in the 4 years and once i finally get away its like everything is getting worse! i call the cops but nothing happens !! And he lies hes such a GOOD LIER ! he calls them on me with some crazy story that isnt even true and its not just him its his whole family !! they all want him to take my kids and they all said they will lie for him in court and its just not real to me its like this crap is out of a movie or something like how can it happen to me im going out of my mind im on medication now and i just need to know what else i can do i just want it to end im getting my # changed today but .. i dont know i just need some advice[/quote]
You mean you trust the family that wants to take your kids away, the ones that have been aware that he absuses you and your children....?
Answer this.....have you witnessed him beat and abuse your children? If the answer is yes, then my dear, why are you so adimant that he has rights to those precious babes? By your pleas, you seek your own protection and safety, to get away from this alleged monster who in your words has done unspeakable things you look for advice and help from the police, strangers and hopefully as many outlets as possible, however, who will protect those innoncent children from him? I'm not saying that he should not be given the chance to be a father, but perhaps the hoping he gets help may fall on deaf ears and your children are the ones that suffer for it....
I hope you don't take offense, I am just genuinely concerned for both you and your children.
TerryAndBlake
03-14-2007, 04:08 PM
I believe they call it something different in Canada, but I had one about three years ago for an abusive controlling BF.....it really only serves as a line drawn in the sand, but it is an aid for future and will give you legal grounds for action if he is stalking you.
sherjercoke
03-14-2007, 04:31 PM
Hi, sorry you are going through such an unfortunate experience. I am just letting you know there is a feature aliant has called call trace. You can read about it in the front of your phone book. It basically keeps track of his harassing phone calls for you. I had to use it once. I called the police before I used it to make them aware it was going to be used and why.
Hope this small bit of info helps, I know this is a very difficult time but keep you head up high!!!!!!!
Mandi
03-14-2007, 04:39 PM
Hi, sorry you are going through such an unfortunate experience. I am just letting you know there is a feature aliant has called call trace. You can read about it in the front of your phone book. It basically keeps track of his harassing phone calls for you. I had to use it once. I called the police before I used it to make them aware it was going to be used and why.
Hope this small bit of info helps, I know this is a very difficult time but keep you head up high!!!!!!!
I think it costs money every time you use it though. It's different from * 69, but it does keep track so it may be worth it for you. I know someone who did this as well. it worked out pretty good for them.
Court can be expensive, but it would be worth it for this man to have a phsyche evaluation done. My sister was with a jerk of a guy. He called social services on her very many times. In the end the only way she was allowed to keep her daughter was to cut any and all connections off with the childs father. That meant not seeing his family, but he is absolutely not allowed anywhere near his daughter now because of his behaviour. (thank goodness. this guy held a 6 month old puppy up by her neck and hit her with a crow bar because my sister left him...)
I really hope you can figure this out and get on with your life. it must be so dibilitating having someone who you don't care about shadow your every move :(
ChelorSean
03-14-2007, 06:15 PM
[quote=megz;59445]the cops told me today there is no such thing as a restraining order in canadaquote]
just so you know it's called a peace bond!!! good luck
tessa
03-14-2007, 06:52 PM
Yes it is called a peace bond...they have to sign it tho..and if not than there will be a court hearing...I went through this..
Mandi
03-14-2007, 06:56 PM
Yes it is called a peace bond...they have to sign it tho..and if not than there will be a court hearing...I went through this..
Wow... our government/ laws are so flawed :(
TerryAndBlake
03-14-2007, 07:26 PM
I think it costs money every time you use it though. It's different from * 69, but it does keep track so it may be worth it for you. I know someone who did this as well. it worked out pretty good for them.
Court can be expensive, but it would be worth it for this man to have a phsyche evaluation done. My sister was with a jerk of a guy. He called social services on her very many times. In the end the only way she was allowed to keep her daughter was to cut any and all connections off with the childs father. That meant not seeing his family, but he is absolutely not allowed anywhere near his daughter now because of his behaviour. (thank goodness. this guy held a 6 month old puppy up by her neck and hit her with a crow bar because my sister left him...)
I really hope you can figure this out and get on with your life. it must be so dibilitating having someone who you don't care about shadow your every move :(
The feature is, I beleive *57 it is a trace and goes directly to the police Dept.
its 10 dollars each time and i have rogers phone can i still use it ?
Cherry Pop
03-14-2007, 11:31 PM
All you need to do is keep a journal of dates, times, events, write down every little thing he does and says. Get pics or video cam of anything weird he does and try to have witnesses! I was in a very abusive relationship for over 3 years so I feel for ya. If you go to court, he can say whatever he wants but if you have a journal book filled with info that will go much further than his "words". You will have actual dates and times that speaks volumes in court. Also to get a peace bond, you have to show a repeat pattern of him doing things to you which is why the police tell you to record everything. Canadian law sucks when it comes to protecting women in Canada. I know, I've been there!
Also I would like to add to the people questioning about why it took you so long to leave him. When someone belittles you everyday, keeps you from all your family and friends, you start to believe everything that person says. They have complete control over you and you can't think for yourself. I was lucky, I had friends and family who wouldn't give up on me, who could see what my ex was doing to me. Eventually they talked me into leaving him (it took them 3.5 years to convince me) and even then it took me 2 whole months of knowing I was going to leave him before I actually did. I was terrified to leave him and actually I had good reason too because he tried to kill me when I finally did. Lucky again for me that people witnessed him forcing me into his car and called police or I might not be here today! It took a long time for me to get my life back to normal but eventually I did with the help of family, friends, and my pastor. When I think back to that time in my life, I am so glad I left when I did and I learned a lot from that relationship like how I don't put up with any bull from guys now. I know how I want to be treated and how I don't and I don't stay around a guy if he is treating me bad. All I can say is I hope all goes well for you and keep a journal. Eventually he will leave you alone, my ex did after 6 months but the scary part is they move onto another girl and do the same to her. Good luck and again keep a journal.
care1978
03-15-2007, 12:23 AM
I can't relly help you cuz you only post your side of the story. you tried 4 years to get away from him? don't think I will beleive that!
if you arent in the situation then you have no idea... i was in an abusive relationship and he had my self esteem beaten down so badly that i actually believed no one else would want me. it is possible ot be stuck, and i know exactly what she means by the police wont do anything, bc they wont, it isnt easy to tell an abusive control freak to go away and expect him to stay away, cops only put restraining orders in place when and if charges are laid, i called the cops one time to put one in place and the officer told me no bc we were together for over a year and we would probably end up together anyway, i couldnt prove the abuse it was his word against mine, and his mother told the cops i was crazy, so they believed her.
Megz... you should write down everything,save every message,keep a record of the time of day you may need to do this for a week or two, then i would just go right into the station and show them what you've got and "hopefully" someone will listen. it seems to me that unless you are on deaths doorstep the cops could care less.
i hope this works out for you Megz.
be safe i know it can be hard.
I had to use the call trace last fall.I think it was$10.00
for the first call....$5.00 for the second call....and if the
service had to be used again anytime during the next 30 days
there was no other extra charges.Call the police department
at 648-3333.... and they will explain how it works.Good Luck
and God Bless!!
magoosmomma
03-15-2007, 08:06 AM
if you arent in the situation then you have no idea... i was in an abusive relationship and he had my self esteem beaten down so badly that i actually believed no one else would want me. i know .
Exactly!!
user5624
03-15-2007, 11:19 AM
Anyways, back to Megz. I'm sorry your thread has been hijacked. It sounds like a very bad situation you're in. It sounds like you're taking the right steps but people that are obsessed can be hard to handle. I know women that were in abusive relationships, it took one of them 18 years to leave. I hope things work out for you. But he sounds like he could use a psychiatric evaluation. Perhaps you should talk to your worker and see if they recommend your children to be permitted to be around him or his family right now. He doesn't sound very stable.
I hope it works out for you!
correct me if Im wrong.. are you saying that this guy been abusive to you for 4 years while being togther.. or 4 years stalking you?
my son is now 5 and me and my ex were together 4 years my 5 year old thinks my ex is his dad and doesnt know otherwise nor will he until he asks or when i think hes old enough to explain... but after i had my 3 year old my son was almost 2 when he was born , and my ex would always pick on him and tease him and "spank" him and i never hit my kids i dont think it solves anything i do the time out thing ... but anyways pretty much the whole time after my youngest was born he picked on my son and you can tell , he isnt a normal happy 5 year old but hes getting better since hes( my ex) been out of my home
care1978
03-15-2007, 11:26 AM
my son is now 5 and me and my ex were together 4 years my 5 year old thinks my ex is his dad and doesnt know otherwise nor will he until he asks or when i think hes old enough to explain... but after i had my 3 year old my son was almost 2 when he was born , and my ex would always pick on him and tease him and "spank" him and i never hit my kids i dont think it solves anything i do the time out thing ... but anyways pretty much the whole time after my youngest was born he picked on my son and you can tell , he isnt a normal happy 5 year old but hes getting better since hes( my ex) been out of my home
it is very difficult when kids are involved, im glad your little guy is starting to come around, also proud of you for finally getting your children out of that situation,and yourself. good luck Megz!
Ok i made this thread to get info and help for me ......not spin the bottle ...............i see this happens a lot
care1978
03-15-2007, 11:30 AM
Ok i made this thread to get info and help for me ......not spin the bottle ...............i see this happens a lot
you are right(although i did get involved :o )
space did kinda turn your thread into his own,
Space i mentioned several posts ago that you should just start your own thread.
sorry Megz.
Lisa_morris
03-15-2007, 11:36 AM
One of my friends daughters who is almost 7 and the little boy next door were caught kissing in my daughters bedroom. I watch my children very closely but they learn stuff everywhere and all around. I never got mad at them for doing it but I did sit them down and talk to them about what they had done. Children are curious, they see something on tv or outside that adults are doing and what to copy. I believe it is harmless if once caught they are given the proper sit down. I dont believe it comes down to not watching your child, kids do things when you arent looking, it happens. Just because a 6 year old and a 5 year old were caught kissing I dont believe they will be having sex by 14. I believe its all in how you talk to them, kids are curious, its there nature. Dont get me wrong I dont want my kids playing these games but I dont believe its necassarily the parents fault when it happens.
Also something that I would like to add. I know alot of fathers who say that their ex wont let them see their child. If you go to a mediator they will tell you that you do have rights. If you are their father you have rights to see your child. I went trying to get full custody since her father hasnt seen her in 2 years and he has been doing drugs and was arrested. They told me that he is still her father which means he still has a right to see his child and unless I went to court and fought it, he would get visitation. Even in court it takes alot to get visitation taken away, so if you are a good father and want to be around your kids, just call the mediator and they will help you. As for me I never bothered taking him to court and he has just stayed away. Some mothers will say you cant see you child and the fathers assume that the mothers have all the say, they dont. So if you want to see your child do what you have to do.
Back to the subject of the orginal post, I hope you are having a better time getting rid of him. Its so hard to get the cops to protect you. I thought that was what they are there for. Keep track of everything and go see a medator, they will at least help you in the right direction. Be very proud of yourself, you got out of a bad relationship and you are doing whats right. Kudos to you, not everyone has the strength you do. Your children will have someone to look up to and be proud of.
space
03-15-2007, 11:47 AM
One of my friends daughters who is almost 7 and the little boy next door were caught kissing in my daughters bedroom. I watch my children very closely but they learn stuff everywhere and all around. I never got mad at them for doing it but I did sit them down and talk to them about what they had done. Children are curious, they see something on tv or outside that adults are doing and what to copy. I believe it is harmless if once caught they are given the proper sit down. I dont believe it comes down to not watching your child, kids do things when you arent looking, it happens. Just because a 6 year old and a 5 year old were caught kissing I dont believe they will be having sex by 14. I believe its all in how you talk to them, kids are curious, its there nature. Dont get me wrong I dont want my kids playing these games but I dont believe its necassarily the parents fault when it happens.
Also something that I would like to add. I know alot of fathers who say that their ex wont let them see their child. If you go to a mediator they will tell you that you do have rights. If you are their father you have rights to see your child. I went trying to get full custody since her father hasnt seen her in 2 years and he has been doing drugs and was arrested. They told me that he is still her father which means he still has a right to see his child and unless I went to court and fought it, he would get visitation. Even in court it takes alot to get visitation taken away, so if you are a good father and want to be around your kids, just call the mediator and they will help you. As for me I never bothered taking him to court and he has just stayed away. Some mothers will say you cant see you child and the fathers assume that the mothers have all the say, they dont. So if you want to see your child do what you have to do.
Back to the subject of the orginal post, I hope you are having a better time getting rid of him. Its so hard to get the cops to protect you. I thought that was what they are there for. Keep track of everything and go see a medator, they will at least help you in the right direction. Be very proud of yourself, you got out of a bad relationship and you are doing whats right. Kudos to you, not everyone has the strength you do. Your children will have someone to look up to and be proud of.
I applaued your comment.. we had seen a mediator several times before and it didnt work.. the ex also has a court order but constantly denying me with visitations. I taken her to court before for that and they just told her to abide the court order.. and she still doesnt abide the order.
Cherry Pop
03-15-2007, 11:55 AM
I applaued your comment.. we had seen a mediator several times before and it didnt work.. the ex also has a court order but constantly denying me with visitations. I taken her to court before for that and they just told her to abide the court order.. and she still doesnt abide the order.
Then you need to keep taking her to court stating that she isn't abiding by the order. If she keeps it up than you could get custody of your daughter. Fathers have more rights than you realize. She can't deny you visitation. Go back to court!
Lisa_morris
03-15-2007, 11:59 AM
So far I have not seen what it is the court do. They are suppose to protect but I sometimes wonder who it is they are protecting. Court order are no more than a peice of paper. I had a court order for my ex to pay child support, spent months trying to find out why I still wsnt getting any, turned out he didnt bring in his proof of income so the judge didnt sign and no one felt they should contact me, then the father quit his job. He started paying child suppoet a little while ago, it was taken out if his pay but then he disappeared and they arent excatly trying hard to find him. My friend only gets $56 a month for child support and he was also told to pay back pay but that was 3 or so years ago and he hasnt paid a cent of the back pay. I wish there was something they could do so that the children are taken care of and protected. It seems that the law enforcement is constantly letting people down who need it. I luckly was never abused by my ex, and I couldnt imagine what I would do of no one would help. People wonder why sometimes we take the law into our own hands, sometimes it seems like its the only way. If someone is harassing you and calling you and always outside your door, the police should be there to protect you and your children. I once had a drunk neighbor try and get into my house at supper time with my children home. I called the cops and it took almost an hour for them to arrive. When they did show up the guy had gone home and pass out so they just left him. Where is the justice, people should be able to feel safe in their homes and not have to worry about ex'x, drunks, drug addicts, whoever giving them a hard time.
vanessalynn5484
03-15-2007, 12:03 PM
There always is two sides of the story. I deffinately know this first hand. I was once caught in the middle of a guy and his ex who had a baby together and it was not fun. However, megz I don't think you would make something like this up. You seem very strong and you will pull through this. You seem to be taking all the right steps and doing everything that you can. I think that keeping a record of everything is very important. Your lawyer will probably be glad that you did.
Good luck and Keep fighting for yourself and your children. You deserve to live free of abuse and violence and have a happy, normal life.
maprince
03-15-2007, 12:26 PM
Ok i made this thread to get info and help for me ......not spin the bottle ...............i see this happens a lot
No offense but if I were you, I wouldn't be chatting on isaintjohn looking for help, especially for your son's sake. I have a 5 year old and I found out his dad was hitting him and teasing him to the point where I could see the difference emotionally in my son, I would be moving in every direction possible until someone takes me seriously.
Your son doesn’t deserve this and can’t help himself; he relies on you for help. So whatever steps you have already taken and didn’t work, try them again until someone helps you. Only you know the situation of what’s going on, like Space said earlier, and you have to help yourself before anyone else can. So get off your computer and get on the phone!
space
03-15-2007, 12:37 PM
sorry megz about interupting your post.. I would last say that me and my ex had separated a year an 2 months after our daughter was born. we had a good relationship. I don't no what went wrong but since we been separted in 1993 she been treated me like dirt.. and trying to have me out of my daughters life. here we are 2007 and she still won't leave me alone about my daughter. for her taking me to court several times is for her thinking that the court may take my visitations away from my daughter.. but the court doesn't look at it that way unless something serious. I know that she is trying to have me out of my daughters life cuz whenever she thinks that there's a concern when my daughter is here with me.. not once that she had never pick up the telephone an call me for an explanation.. she didnt even pick up the telephone to call me about my neice had sat on the back of a german sheepard dog what I had mention earlier.. but taken me to court about it. that was rediculous.. my mother got rid of the dog and left some sad faces to kids around the area who enjoyed playing with the dog.
this my last saying
Rae_Maill
03-15-2007, 12:40 PM
No offense but if I were you, I wouldn't be chatting on isaintjohn looking for help, especially for your son's sake. I have a 5 year old and I found out his dad was hitting him and teasing him to the point where I could see the difference emotionally in my son, I would be moving in every direction possible until someone takes me seriously.
Your son doesn’t deserve this and can’t help himself; he relies on you for help. So whatever steps you have already taken and didn’t work, try them again until someone helps you. Only you know the situation of what’s going on, like Space said earlier, and you have to help yourself before anyone else can. So get off your computer and get on the phone!
no offense but i think she just needed a little support and to be able to vent from what i have read from her, i see she has called the police and taken all the steps she can. It isn't her failure here it's the systems. perhaps you can try for a little compassion
ok so idid my video statement and due to us going to family court soon , i cant charge him or get a peace bond.. so i guess i cant do anything untill im black and blue!! the system sucks....
they pretty much said i could be making it all up because hes saying im doing the same to him inwhich im not.. and that i could be doing it to make myself look good and him look bad in family court... just a bunch of bs .... i dont know what to do now
mommahas2babies
03-16-2007, 11:43 PM
Megz
Keep the journal of what is going on... Even if he says u r the one stalking him, If you are the one with the documents to back up what is said then you should be the one that gets the victory in the end. I know its a hard situation right now, but Keep ur chin up, focus on your babies and worry about nothing he does from now on. Live ur life, dont let him live it for u! U escaped this terror, just let the "justice system" do its job. I know it seems like a never ending battle, and that at times it seems like no one wants to help you but believe me.. They will in the end. Just make sure if u are worried about him physically harming u, just make sure you never go out alone, have a witness or someone on hand at all times. Do u rent an apartment now? If so have ur landlord have him removed from the property. That is more evidence in your favor. If he is calling your house all the time contact the phone company they can bring up the records of calls to your home for evidence.. I have worked with this situation and I might be able to lead u in some directions if you would like. if you would like to talk feel free to pm me. Also I am very sorry that your post seemed to keep getting hijacked and pulled off topic. this is not a situation where you should be blamed or criticized. You are not weak, the strongest thing you did was leave. It takes more power to leave than to stay, staying is easy... Keep us posted. And your in my thoughts!
p.s. I know that you are trying to be nice to let him see the kids, but you should not allow those babies near that psychopath or his family until this all gets into court. He lost the privilidge to see those kids the day he raised a hand to you and those kids, and also treating them the way he did. Teasing your son is just as harmful as physical abuse!
You wouldnt even believe what he did to me yesterday.... he had a deer in my freezer from november , and he took the papers when i moved in december which i had forgotten about .., so he called the national resorces and told them i jacked a deer !!!!! they came in my house with a warrent and all !! and i called the cops and told them , and then today !! My Ex admitted to the national resorces that he called !!! and guess what they are doing about that ........NOTHING !! WHY!!! why is this man allowed to put me and my kids through hell !! someone please tell me !
Mandi
03-17-2007, 12:44 PM
You wouldnt even believe what he did to me yesterday.... he had a deer in my freezer from november , and he took the papers when i moved in december which i had forgotten about .., so he called the national resorces and told them i jacked a deer !!!!! they came in my house with a warrent and all !! and i called the cops and told them , and then today !! My Ex admitted to the national resorces that he called !!! and guess what they are doing about that ........NOTHING !! WHY!!! why is this man allowed to put me and my kids through hell !! someone please tell me !
Oh my GOD this makes me so mad. I am so so rry you have to go through this. I would certainly threaten to take my story public (newspaper, who ever will listen) if I were you. Your situation has gotten to be so ridiculous, and I am so sorry you have to endure it . How can they let him treat you this way? Our system is a failure, and I'm so sorry you have to be on the bad end of it. wow.
Oh my GOD this makes me so mad. I am so so rry you have to go through this. I would certainly threaten to take my story public (newspaper, who ever will listen) if I were you. Your situation has gotten to be so ridiculous, and I am so sorry you have to endure it . How can they let him treat you this way? Our system is a failure, and I'm so sorry you have to be on the bad end of it. wow.
i know it disgusts me im thinking about moving out of the city since i cant leave the province , ill leave the city and move like i dont even know far far away from here
The_Dave
03-18-2007, 02:16 PM
Get a lawyer first for advice. Get an answering machine and name that number. Never answer the phone when he calls and save the messages. Take them to the police immediately if they are threatening. You can get a section 11 also where if he comes near you or anywhere you are at, he will be charged. Carry a digital camara, it shows dates and times. Carry a log book, write everything down, no matter how trivial, and most important of all never go out alone. Always take a friend and in doing this you will also have a witness. All this seems extreme but necessary to regain your freedom. He is a control freak with the mentallity of a 10 year old. DO NOT give him the time of day, he will misread this as you wanting him back. Good Luck
je12122
03-19-2007, 08:30 AM
we were together for 4 years and he did nothing but abuse me and my kids!! I tried to get away so many times in the 4 years and once i finally get away its like everything is getting worse! i call the cops but nothing happens !! And he lies hes such a GOOD LIER ! he calls them on me with some crazy story that isnt even true and its not just him its his whole family !! they all want him to take my kids and they all said they will lie for him in court and its just not real to me its like this crap is out of a movie or something like how can it happen to me im going out of my mind im on medication now and i just need to know what else i can do i just want it to end im getting my # changed today but .. i dont know i just need some advice
You mean you trust the family that wants to take your kids away, the ones that have been aware that he absuses you and your children....?
Answer this.....have you witnessed him beat and abuse your children? If the answer is yes, then my dear, why are you so adimant that he has rights to those precious babes? By your pleas, you seek your own protection and safety, to get away from this alleged monster who in your words has done unspeakable things you look for advice and help from the police, strangers and hopefully as many outlets as possible, however, who will protect those innoncent children from him? I'm not saying that he should not be given the chance to be a father, but perhaps the hoping he gets help may fall on deaf ears and your children are the ones that suffer for it....
I hope you don't take offense, I am just genuinely concerned for both you and your children.[/quote]
I was hoping you would have a good answer to this quote Megz, as TerryandBlake made a valid point. I personally agree with this 100% if he is as bad as you say he is and spanking and picking on your son, why the heck would you intrust your children's care to your ex and his family???? This doesn't make sense at all. Perhaps you should consider getting supervised visitation rights through the court, as I can tell you really love and care for your children and would probably feel pretty bad if something did happen to them in Your ex's care.
artemisrane
03-19-2007, 12:20 PM
Keeping a digital camera with you, never going out alone, recording messages, and keeping a journal will be plenty of evidence to get this guy in court.
Have you also considered and inexpensive home monitoring system? Many of them can hook up to your home computer. I saw some on http://www.tigerdirect.ca
I am lucky I have a very scary father [only when provoked mind you lol] with scary friends so I wouldn't have to worry about an ex harrassing me.:biggrin:
You are in my prayers. ;)
care1978
03-19-2007, 12:35 PM
I think what you are going through is absolutely ridiculous, this guy needs to be put in his place asap, as far as im concerned he sounds like a menace!
call Carl White at human rights, explain your situation,call public health,call your local MLA, call all these people state your situation and ask them to send refferal letters to the police department regarding your situation,and ask them to include in those letters a request for an immediate peace bond! my god what the hell is wrong with the people runnig our city that they can let something like this go on without doing something about it.
make sure you still continue to keep a journal of events.
and for god's sake make sure you and your children are NEVER left alone.
lol, im so disgusted i wanna track him down for ya and put him in his place. good luck hun!