PDA

View Full Version : grief/grieving


puppyluv
03-12-2007, 07:37 PM
looking for some advice on grief..or how to deal with it, or how to help a family member deal with it? It has finally hit my Dad about Mom, and has only been 2 months. He confided he can understand now why a mate may not be long following the death of their mates.:(

care1978
03-12-2007, 08:07 PM
sorry to hear about your father's grief, I lost my Father last may and honestly i dont think i have really came to terms with it yet, it can be a long process, i actually forgot my father passed away last month and tried to call him(just didnt seem real). all I can suggest from my experience is to be very supportive, but not too pushy when it comes to discussing your Father's grief ( I find it makes it a bit harder ) not saying that you are being pushy. Also there are some really great pamphlets you can pick up at any funeral parlour that deals with grieving,and dealing with other people's grief as well. Sorry i couldnt be more helpful, you might also try family solutions plus, they have some good pamphlets too,and they offer councilling as well. good luck :)

anita
03-12-2007, 08:40 PM
I had to go see a grief counsellor through Brenan's when my father died. I never thought I was going to get through the first year. I was going to the graveyard and eating my lunch there with him, thinking I'd see him walking in front of me in the mall, etc, etc......it was bad.

I seen a lady named Shelly Cohen. It was the best thing I could have ever done. Although it took some time, I managed to finally get through it. Just a suggestion......hope it helps.

mama2be
03-12-2007, 08:44 PM
I am soo sorry to hear about your loss. I can say I as well do know how you feel. I am 25 years old and was very close to my dad. My dad Died of a massive heart attack on sept 14th. And the hardest part of all is that I also had a new baby 2 weeks prior. this also being the first grandchild for my parents and well I felt like I was going to just have some sort of brerak down from it all. Loosing the man closest to me. a father figure, and worst of all loosing him at sucha time when I had my first child and knowing that she will not have a grampy anymore,. It's been soo hard and I can say that once you start getting through the Major firsts( First xmas without them,birthdays, father's day etc..) things will get easier. It's always going to however come back at the turn of a dime and bring back odd memories and make you really feel sad again. I mean myself I find I will be doing something or going somewhere or eating something or watching something on tv or anything that reminds you of them and you will always be reminded. anyways, I can talk forever about how I feel but
I can just say, be there for them adn give them their space to try to cope on their own but also be there. and give them a shoulder to cry on, and one to listen to. but it's hard to accept help from some though who hasn't gone through what you are and you may even feel like when someone is trying to help it may not seems so. or you might even think they don't know how I really feel. but give it some time. things will get better. Remember the good times and don't dweel on any bad. I know myself a lot of people worried about depressionand all and people even worried about me and the whole post pardom bit , and my doctor wanted me to go and talk to a phsyciatrist(spelling oops) but I won't because i know what's wrong. I mean going through so much I know you are feeling really sad and yuor father as well. My mom is having a real tough time as well. They were married for 30 years and my dad was only 59. I feel it wasn't his time. But on the other hand his health wasn't good and we didn't think it was his time to go but should have seen the severity of it. Well I am not being too much of a help here,. I am more talking about my situation but maybe it will help some too knowing you are not the only one going through the same.
Feel free to pm me if you want to talk about it anytime one on one. If I can help any I'll try.

Suzanne
03-12-2007, 09:21 PM
Hi There

Get in Touch with Hospice - they are now located on Douglas Avenue in the Hospice House. They are Wonderful Volunteers who know how to talk to people and get them the help needed. They also have Grief Counselling and loads of info available (movies, books,etc.) Would be well worth the call

rubycshells
03-12-2007, 10:23 PM
There are also groups for people grieving at some of the local churches. Some are inter-denominational and meet at various homes around the area once a week. An older couple that I know had lost their son and they went and found it very comforting.

QuispamsisHome
03-12-2007, 10:33 PM
I am so sorry to hear about your loss...It is always a difficult topic for people to discuss...The most important thing is to be there for your dad. It may also help him to know the 5 stages of greiving...They are by Kubler-Ross and they make so much sense when you study them. I studied them years ago when I studied Nursing.
The stages are:
1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 3. Depression 5. Acceptance
He may seem different now because he has finally reached the acceptance stage. You can also go back into an anger stage or any other once you have reached #5...And they don't necessarily always go in that order. It may help him to read about these stages and he may become more in touch with his feelings. It is ok to be mad...and ok to deny it too...it is ok to cry and to want to be in the company of those that are close to him more than ever. Certainly let him know that you are there for him in any situation and that time will help with healing. Life will get better , and not to feel guilty about finding happiness once again...it doesn't mean that his love for her is gone.
Seeking a grief councellor or a priest may help also...reading books...online information, etc... God bless you both :)

puppyluv
03-13-2007, 07:03 AM
I spoke with Dad last night, he refuses to go to a grief counsellor. He said if us ( the kids) and the minister can't get him through this then too bad. He was really upset. He lives in Nova Scotia....none of us kids do and he won't move from the house Mom wanted and loved.
It is so hard to hear your Dad, who has always been strong crying on the phone.:(

I know Shelly, so I think I will give her a ring today.

Thanks everyone.

magoosmomma
03-13-2007, 08:37 AM
Since losing my mom I feel like I have become the parent to my dad.. making sure this is done ..that is done

My dad said the same thing after losing my mom.. that he understood why people got remarried so soon after..he told me the loneliness got to him ..he was (and I think for a part still is) Depressed and felt like he had no one to turn to (he didnt want to "burden" us)

I swear for the first year it seemed like he never made it out of stage 1
he talked to a consellor on the phone but never in person.. he was suppose to start going to a group but he never did.. He is so old school I dont think he ever actually understood the whole group support

mama2be
03-13-2007, 08:47 AM
same as my mom, She refuses to move out of their house as well. said that her and dad discussed it and they were going to fix diff things and now that's what she wants to do.

magoosmomma
03-13-2007, 08:48 AM
same as my mom, She refuses to move out of their house as well. said that her and dad discussed it and they were going to fix diff things and now that's what she wants to do.
My dad has said and done the same things

sassyblond506
03-13-2007, 10:05 AM
To my dearest family, some things I'd like to say...

but first of all, to let you know, that I arrived okay.

I'm writing this from heaven. Here I dwell with God above.

Here, there's no more tears of sadness; here is just eternal love.



Please do not be unhappy just because I'm out of sight.

Remember that I'm with you every morning, noon and night.

That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was through,

God picked me up and hugged me and He said, "I welcome you."



It's good to have you back again; you were missed while you were gone.

As for your dearest family, they'll be here later on.

I need you here badly; you're part of my plan.

There's so much that we have to do, to help our mortal man."



God gave me a list of things, that he wished for me to do.

And foremost on the list, was to watch and care for you.

And when you lie in bed at night, the day's chores put to flight.

God and I are closest to you....in the middle of the night.



When you think of my life on earth, and all those loving years

because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears.

But do not be afraid to cry; it does relieve the pain.

Remember there would be no flowers, unless there was some rain.



I wish that I could tell you all that God has planned.

But if I were to tell you, you wouldn't understand.

But one thing is for certain, though my life on earth is o'er.

I'm closer to you now, than I ever was before.



There are many rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb;

but together we can do it by taking one day at a time.

It was always my philosophy and I'd like it for you too...

that as you give unto the world, the world will give to you.



If you can help somebody who's in sorrow and pain,

then you can say to God at night......"My day was not in vain."

And now I am contented....that my life has been worthwhile,

knowing as I passed along the way, I made somebody smile.



So if you meet somebody who is sad and feeling low,

just lend a hand to pick him up, as on your way you go.

When you're walking down the street, and you've got me on your mind;

I'm walking in your footsteps only half a step behind.



And when it's time for you to go.... from that body to be free,

remember you're not going.....you're coming here to me

mama2be
03-13-2007, 01:34 PM
To my dearest family, some things I'd like to say...

but first of all, to let you know, that I arrived okay.

I'm writing this from heaven. Here I dwell with God above.

Here, there's no more tears of sadness; here is just eternal love.



Please do not be unhappy just because I'm out of sight.

Remember that I'm with you every morning, noon and night.

That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was through,

God picked me up and hugged me and He said, "I welcome you."



It's good to have you back again; you were missed while you were gone.

As for your dearest family, they'll be here later on.

I need you here badly; you're part of my plan.

There's so much that we have to do, to help our mortal man."



God gave me a list of things, that he wished for me to do.

And foremost on the list, was to watch and care for you.

And when you lie in bed at night, the day's chores put to flight.

God and I are closest to you....in the middle of the night.



When you think of my life on earth, and all those loving years

because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears.

But do not be afraid to cry; it does relieve the pain.

Remember there would be no flowers, unless there was some rain.



I wish that I could tell you all that God has planned.

But if I were to tell you, you wouldn't understand.

But one thing is for certain, though my life on earth is o'er.

I'm closer to you now, than I ever was before.



There are many rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb;

but together we can do it by taking one day at a time.

It was always my philosophy and I'd like it for you too...

that as you give unto the world, the world will give to you.



If you can help somebody who's in sorrow and pain,

then you can say to God at night......"My day was not in vain."

And now I am contented....that my life has been worthwhile,

knowing as I passed along the way, I made somebody smile.



So if you meet somebody who is sad and feeling low,

just lend a hand to pick him up, as on your way you go.

When you're walking down the street, and you've got me on your mind;

I'm walking in your footsteps only half a step behind.



And when it's time for you to go.... from that body to be free,

remember you're not going.....you're coming here to me


I like the poem, I bought from regal at christmas time a christmas ornament for me and my mom both and they read. 'Merry christmas from heaven, I love you all dearly now don't shed a tear. I 'm spending my hristmas with jesus this year. ' and on the back it has in loving memory of .... you fill in the name and years.... thsi also comes with a 6 paragraph poem. though it was a nice sentimental gift.

magoosmomma
03-13-2007, 04:05 PM
To my dearest family, some things I'd like to say...

but first of all, to let you know, that I arrived okay.

I'm writing this from heaven. Here I dwell with God above.

Here, there's no more tears of sadness; here is just eternal love.



Please do not be unhappy just because I'm out of sight.

Remember that I'm with you every morning, noon and night.

That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was through,

God picked me up and hugged me and He said, "I welcome you."



It's good to have you back again; you were missed while you were gone.

As for your dearest family, they'll be here later on.

I need you here badly; you're part of my plan.

There's so much that we have to do, to help our mortal man."



God gave me a list of things, that he wished for me to do.

And foremost on the list, was to watch and care for you.

And when you lie in bed at night, the day's chores put to flight.

God and I are closest to you....in the middle of the night.



When you think of my life on earth, and all those loving years

because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears.

But do not be afraid to cry; it does relieve the pain.

Remember there would be no flowers, unless there was some rain.



I wish that I could tell you all that God has planned.

But if I were to tell you, you wouldn't understand.

But one thing is for certain, though my life on earth is o'er.

I'm closer to you now, than I ever was before.



There are many rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb;

but together we can do it by taking one day at a time.

It was always my philosophy and I'd like it for you too...

that as you give unto the world, the world will give to you.



If you can help somebody who's in sorrow and pain,

then you can say to God at night......"My day was not in vain."

And now I am contented....that my life has been worthwhile,

knowing as I passed along the way, I made somebody smile.



So if you meet somebody who is sad and feeling low,

just lend a hand to pick him up, as on your way you go.

When you're walking down the street, and you've got me on your mind;

I'm walking in your footsteps only half a step behind.



And when it's time for you to go.... from that body to be free,

remember you're not going.....you're coming here to me


Thats beautiful.. I need to print that for my dad

magoosmomma
03-13-2007, 04:08 PM
I like the poem, I bought from regal at christmas time a christmas ornament for me and my mom both and they read. 'Merry christmas from heaven, I love you all dearly now don't shed a tear. I 'm spending my hristmas with jesus this year. ' and on the back it has in loving memory of .... you fill in the name and years.... thsi also comes with a 6 paragraph poem. though it was a nice sentimental gift.

that was going to be the poem we used for my moms memorial..(she passed away just before christmas)

puppyluv
03-13-2007, 07:16 PM
Thanks..I scammed it and already sent it to my family memebers via email.
My bro came back with an angry message ( he had cried and was annoyed aobut the tears...it is hard for him.)

Oh, and I spoke with Shelly and am regsitered for a 6 week course in Fredericton in April..

mama2be
03-13-2007, 09:28 PM
good luck with everything Puppyluv, wish you all the luck in this hard time

blueyes
03-13-2007, 10:32 PM
Hi, well my dad past away a yr. ago just before x-mas. I found it really hard. I still have my days no so many any more.
My mom, well she was doing good until lately. My dad was sick for 2.5 yrs and mom tryed to take care of him and couldn't get the 24-7 care for him and he had to be put in a home. I think that was the hardest for my mom. She had to travel almost every day for 45 mins one way to see him. Plus knowing that he waould never walk or come again was very painfull for everyone in our family, Knowing this man hunt and fish and gardening at the age of 75. then in a blink of an eye its all gone.
But lately my mom just realize that thier house is way to big for her to take care. Plus her health isn't the greatest and with spring around the corner and the yard work she just shaking her head and telling us she can't do it. There is nothing left in the small town she is living in. She wants to sell the house and start over here in the city. We all agree that it would be a good thing.For her getting a small house and picking up the pieces whats left that not intact and starting over. She always like the city. She move to the small town for work and now she not workingand she will be closer to us(kids).