View Full Version : Protection for woman being stalked
12-11-2006, 02:10 PM
Ok, I've had enough. My best friend broke up with her boyfriend almost 4 months ago.
So far in the past 4 months:
- he tried to run us off the road (3 times in one trip with 2 eleven year old kids in the car!!!), we called 911 and they didn't even try to come and help us, they told us to go to their station!!! He only backed off cus he got out of his car when we went off the road and heard me call 911 so he ran off.
- he slashed her tires and did $1500 damage to her car
- he slashed her boyfriend's tires yesterday
- he went to court last week for trying to run us off the road
throughout all this, the police basically say, "we understand, but there's nothing we can do".
Numerous witnesses, physical damage, notes left on her car, 20 messages and phones calls a day logged on her phone and a minimum of 40 death threats including trying to kill himself and ending up in the hospital for a week himself and he still won't leave her alone. She is terrified and has a child whom she's trying to protect.
Isn't there anything the police can do to protect her from him???
They don't even have a peace bond on him like they said they would.
What can I do to help her help herself? Any suggestions?
12-11-2006, 02:21 PM
If she has or can get an answering machine, record the threats. As far as I know uttering a death threat is illegal and the cops will have to charge him. Also, see if getting a lawyer(even a public defender, contacting Hesita House for advise and/or other help oraganizations)...I know what I would like do but it is also illegal...
12-11-2006, 02:23 PM
tell her to move away the cops wont do a thing theres no point on even calling them the cops in saint john
12-11-2006, 02:27 PM
all the cops will do about the phone msgs is say get your # changed you cant use messages in a court anyways my friend went through that and yeah hirer a lawyeri if you have 1000 to put down and probably a 5000 bill afterwards
12-11-2006, 02:54 PM
Write out a clear "timeline" of events, detailing what he did/said, what was brought to the police, and what the police did/said. Explain your (her) concerns clearly, without blaming or pointing fingers. Describe what you thing needs to be done.
Email this to the chief of police, and cc the CBC.
Whether or not the CBC does a story on it, it will be enough to get the police to look carefully.
I have used the "cc the CBC" trick on completely unrelated matters, and it works like a charm.
12-11-2006, 02:54 PM
hiphop, you give poor advise and seem to have a real issue with the police. If you personally have issues that is one thing but to advised others that ALL police are worthless is another...your entitled to your opinion as am I and personally..I think you don't have a clue...There are some lawyers that will advise you for free and some police who care...also other organizations..Hestia House:
Main Phone: 506-634-7570 After Hours: 506-634-7570
Main Fax: 506-652-5651
Business Days Open: Monday to Sunday 24 Hours
Business Hours Open: 24 Hours a Day
12-11-2006, 03:31 PM
call some one that will care and that will actually do something,get a friend or something or try the cops again and tell them its gettin outta hand
12-11-2006, 03:38 PM
they are only interested if something seriously happen.
12-11-2006, 03:41 PM
another genius heard from, didn't your mother teach you that if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.
someone starts a thread looking for help and advice and all you genius's do is knock the police.
stop wasting space on the threads, it takes too long to get by your post to get to the intelligent remarks.
12-11-2006, 04:20 PM
been there in your friends shoes before and the exact same results. my ex boyfriend harassed me long after i was married to my husband. he used to beat the crap outta me, chased me w/ an ice pick, threw the cutlery holder at me w/ sharp knives in it in front of the police - and they did nothing. he threatened my life, and my husbands - after my husband knocked him out a few times for coming to his place of work, coming up to him wanting to fight etc. he threatened my husbands life in front my daughter who was at the time 2yrs old when my husband was out mowing the lawn and was sitting w/ my daughter having a break. he got out of his car and started walking towards my husband uttering death threats. i grabbed my daugther and ran inside and called police. they did come - an hour later and basically said there was nothing they could do cuz he was on a public street :S whatever that means and we even had 3 witnesses beside myself and my husband...two were elderly neighbors who was sitting out enjoying the summer evening.
i had enough and i just kept calling the police everytime he bothered me. i eventually met a detective by the name of Dave Caines. Super guy. He helped me out a lot and got my ex-boyfriend to stop harrassing me. This was about 7yrs ago now. I am very greatful to him and his help in getting my ex to stop, even today my ex-boyfriend gives me dirty looks but i just turn my head... he no longer puts rocks thru my windows, drives around my block several times like a shark ready to get its kill, no more phone calls, no more stalking me, no more yelling obscenities at me when he sees me. just dirty looks, but that i can live with. i hardly ever see him now. before he used to purposely drive around my house at least 30 times a day.
12-11-2006, 04:20 PM
When I lived in another province, my ex threatened me on the telephone only once. I called the police immediately and the case was referred right away to the Domestic Violence division of the police department. I had a follow up call the next day by the detective and then he went and talked to the ex. I still rec'd follow up calls for a few weeks.
Too bad every police dept. didn't adopt something like this as domestic violence is not going away.
12-11-2006, 04:49 PM
This guy sounds JUST like one of my sister's exes.... I hope that everything gets better, but until the police can do something, please advise her to go to hestia house, even temporarily, until something can be done :( This is so sad and I am so sorry to hear it I really hope things get better soon!
There really needs to be more done about people threatening other peoples lives.
12-11-2006, 05:01 PM
A family member of mine that came out of a physically abusive relationship, and she was scared... I remember she wrote a letter to a crown prosecuter. This was before anything ever went to court. He moved to another province before it had to. But she was filing for a restraining order and wrote a letter to the crown prosecuter of her experiences with him and how scared she was.
I wish I knew how she found out to do that or who the crown was that she wrote the letter to but I dont :( I do know a good lawyer (I believe he's the one that helped her) who might be able to give you some advise. If you want his name and number, PM me.
I hope this works out because your bestfriend sounds like she's in a very dangerous situation
12-11-2006, 05:19 PM
Sounds like what we need here is some surveillance, hidden and otherwise, might seem a little expensive at first, but it's truly amazing how people straighten up when faced with the unblinking eye of a camera, that is my humble suggestion, though there's some serious leg breakers who live in the south end? Could give them a call?
Listen. Is that truth I smell?
12-11-2006, 06:25 PM
Another quality post by Truth.
Well I happen to know that members of the media browse this and other local forums, if they see this as a worthy story, (can't see why they wouldn't) I'm sure somebody will contact you.
12-11-2006, 06:42 PM
Thank you for the kind words, though i think you're trying out that new thing the kids are calling "sarcasm"?
Truth, a type of magic.
12-11-2006, 07:23 PM
Thanks so much guys. Well there has been a fair amount of helpful information here.
I've been in bad situations like this myself before, but they eventually got the hint. Unfortunately for my friend, 4 months has gone by and he keeps coming back every time we let our guard down.
I forgot to mention, her 5 year old cat went missing a week after she kicked him out and she keeps wondering if he had something to do with it.
Too many coincidences are stacking up and yet...coincidences don't equal proof. (as if there isn't enough anyway)
My main concern is that because he pled "not guilty" he no longer even has a peace bond against him. RIDICULOUS!!!
In NB, we were told there's no such thing as a restraining order, but that he would need to be civil when around her...DUH! isn't that the law anyway???
Thanks for all your support everyone. Hopefully we can get this guy put behind bars before he goes too far.
12-11-2006, 10:54 PM
does she answer the phone when he calls? does she have any contact with him that might give him an inkling suspicion that she may go back? if she is, tell her not to! the reason why is because if he knows that she is 'softening' up and taking his calls or giving mixed signals, it gives him all the more reason to persue, and if she rejects - he will get angry again.
do not let your guard down to him - ever. the more you let it down, the more he is going to keep coming back.
good luck! i hope this guy rots somewheres hot.
12-12-2006, 09:58 PM
Unfortunately I've been in this situation a couple times. The sj police told me there is nothing they can do without "proof". They suggested keeping a log of everytime my exs tried to contact me or do anything to me. In this log you have to write down everything said, dates, times, witnesses, etc. Make it as detailed as possible! Also with every incident call the police that way they have a record of everything that happened. The police told me this is how they get "proof". I know its frustrating but it's our laws not our police force that need work... ok second thought there is some room for improvement with our police force. Good luck and I hope things get better!
I feel sorry for your friend. It is very frustrating, physically and emotionally draining. Not only to her, but to her child as well.(of course and you too) The suggestions of some have been correct. Has hard as it is to keep a log it is SOMETHING that simply must be done. You need to tell her that she MUST contact Hestia house for advice and if need be temporary housing.
Domestic violence is something that is and has been something that is too often ignored. It is a violent, violent diease and something that is incurrable. I think it was mentioned already, that if she has not been COMPLETELY honest in telling him that it is over...then he may still beleive that there is hope for them to get back together. I know it may sound ridiculous...but true.
Please tell her to take ALL percautions and always be alert and aware of her surroundings. It is a stressful way to live, but for the time being, until this gets resolved, it is something that she needs to do.
Do not let her or yourself become another statistic!!
12-13-2006, 12:45 AM
Thank you guys.
It is very frustrating. and....scary for all of us. She lives in the basement apartment of my house, so this affects all of us. He always swore he'd go after everyone she loves and she's afraid he'll go after her son next.
She has pages and pages of logs and no...she hasn't spoken to him in months which is why it's so creepy that he still continues to harass her. I find it strange that he doesn't just drop it and move on.
He even called my boyfriend the other day to pass his new phone number over to her "in case she needed him". My bf freaked out at him and told him to go pound sand, but it's nervy to think it's ok to call.
She is in constant communication with the PD and they just take her info and even went so far as to insinuate that "street justice" was the best form of justice she could get, but of course, she wants to do it right.
I have access to video equipment, but the problem is, where is the most beneficial place to put it lol...we'd need at least 6 cameras since there,'s my yard, her boyfriend's yard, her car, her work lol....that's what's stopping her as well as the fact that she's so broke now due to all the repairs she's had to make to her car. And the more she spends...the more set backs she has and it seems like "he wins".
Poor thing is struggling to still manage xmas, but we're carpooling so she can hold off on more repairs (the repairs done weren't enough I guess so now it's parked)
It's just a bad situation all around and we wish something could be done about it to end it before it gets worse.
So your sure, that there isn't any way that she can have a peace bond placed against him? Sheesh, I can't imagine the helplessness that you guys must feel!! It's almost like, until something is "physically" done to her that the police won't step in. I know that may not be the situation, but it almost leads you to think that way. Again, I suggest like some of the others that she make contact with the organizations that deal with these situations on a daily basis. They, or someone there may have the information that she needs to help end her nightmare.